Is It Just Me? TV

Starz Search

2011-09-29T11:05:00.020-05:00

I have to say, so far this fall season has really underwhelmed me. Out of the gate, I was sort of into "Two Broke Girls", but 2 episodes in, it just can't seem to shake the 80's format dust off. And by 80's, I don't mean in a cool, retro Ray-Ban hipster way. It just feels...tired, like Ted McGinley might show up or something.

I'm still on the fence about "Up All Night", and I haven't even managed to make myself hit play on the "Pan Am" premiere episode still clogging up my VCR, er, DVR. See? The tv time warp is confusing me.

So, here we are, and I am desperate to love a new show. Enter...Kelsey Grammer? (Insert inappropriate Camille Grammer/Real Housewives of Beverly Hills joke here.)

He's got a brand new drama. Is it good? I don't know. It's premiering on Starz in a few weeks, but the good folks at Starz have already renewed it for a second season. This means one of 2 things: A) this show is the next BIG THING, and we should all subscribe to Starz immediately or B) the marketing folks at Starz want you to THINK it's the next BIG THING, so you subscribe to Starz immediately.

You can watch the Boss trailer and decide if Starz is worth adding to your lineup, or at least worth scamming your cable company to give you a free trial (oh, like you haven't done that?).

Because I am dying for a new show to be hooked on and, let's face it, because I just happen to have a free Starz trial, I'll at least give this political drama a shot, but the jury is out for me. When I watch this trailer, I can't seem to quite get on board because I'm distracted by of all of the following:

A) Kelsey Grammer is trying so desperately to convince us he is a super baddy and not Frasier that it seems like he studied lots of Cruella DeVille cartoons to get into character to prove he is a SERIOUS DRAMATIC ACTOR.

B) A show about a slimy politician hiding a secret? That's never been done before!

C) Is it just me, or does that-girl-from-90210 sport like 5 different pairs of nifty glasses in this trailer? Is Lens Crafters a sponsor? I haven't seen an optical co-star this prominent since the Sally Jesse Raphael show.

Oh well. I've got at least a month left on the Starz free trial, so I'll check it out.

Besides, I must admit, I really want to find out about where to get those cute glasses.

Old Dogs, New Tricks

2011-09-21T13:40:00.004-05:00

If you are not too busy trying to figure out what the heck Facebook has done to your status updates, or trying to Google what Google + is, there's lots to watch around the dial tonight. Buckle up.

The X Factor
Now's your chance to see Simon and Paula reunite, and maybe see the next Susan Boyle, if that's your bag. It's different from American Idol in that...um...well the judges ~~advertise~~ ~~sell their soul to~~ drink Pepsi, not Coke.

Up All Night
This actually premiered last week, and the laffer about 2 new parents is pretty spot on. Throw in Maya Rudolph as an Oprah-ish boss, and you tv peeps especially will get a kick out of it. But fear not, Christina Applegate fans. If this tanks, Applegate seems to get a new sitcom every few years (Ok, I just IMDB'd her to verify this fact and she is also credited on...a pregnant pole dancing dvd. Research AND range, folks!).

Free Agents
Also premiered last week. Not gonna lie, this wasn't Hank Azaria's best work, but he sat next to me and my friends at dinner once and was very nice to us. Actually, my issue with the first episode was that gal he is supposed to be chasing on the show. Maybe they should've brought in someone...more out of his league? Not quite buying what she's selling. Still, I am on TEAM HANK and sticking with this show. But, if you don't want to watch, don't feel bad...those Simpsons residuals will probably pay his mortgage for awhile.

Revenge
I won't be watching this one, mostly because that girl that stars in it was annoying as all get out when I used to watch her on Brothers and Sisters. However, ABC obviously thinks it's got a shot since they are advertising it every other second. You'll have to judge for yourself.

Last but not least....

Modern Family
It's back! This for me is mostly a sure thing, though I'm a little worried they are busting out the one hour big family vaca AGAIN.

If it turns into A VERY SPECIAL EPISODE, I'm outta here.

Monday Night Madness

2011-09-20T10:26:00.002-05:00

Yes, yes, I watched the much-hyped premiere of Two and a Half Men. Sure, they did a good job with the stunt casting (*spoiler alert*) but mostly, I thought this Sheen-less Two and a Half Men was, well, kind of dull.

First, bringing back every noteworthy floozy Charlie had ever dated was a little fun...but I couldn't help but think this 'greatest hits' of casting stunt was just stolen from Seinfeld's finale.

Next, bringing in John Stamos was probably the highlight of the 1/2 hour (and really? 1/2 hour? With all the bloated 3-4 hour competition shows out there, Chuck Lorre decided to bang this out in 22 minutes after commercials while the tired How I Met Your Mother premiere was a full hour? I digress...). Anyway, with Stamos at the door, I got excited! Who would show up next???

...And then, Dharma and Greg? Really? While I realize they may hearken back to an old Chuck Lorre era, the 10 year old sitcom was hardly iconic enough to warrant a cameo. Stick to the Uncle Jesse appearances, thank you very much.

Finally, Ashton Kutcher was sort of FINE as the man-child he always plays. He's the anti-Charlie, which was actually the easy way to go, and the path of least resistance. Why not make everyone nuts and pull a Bewitched - just re-cast Charlie and pretend it's all the same? Or bring back Charlie later in a Newhart "What a weird dream" scenario - I'd head in that direction for sweeps, if I ruled the tv world.

Oh well.

Moving on, I won't bore you with the How I Met Your Mother? recap if you haven't seen it. But...no, they didn't meet the Mother, and yes, they are still dragging it out.

The surprise of the night for me was "Two Broke Girls". The laugh-tracky old school feeling sitcom was surprisingly good. Though I couldn't help but wonder if they dreamed up the premise while watching old Facts of Life re-runs late one night (I swear these two girls are modern day Blair and Jo retreads), the writing was sharp in the hands of Sex and the City's Michael Patrick King.

Why is it, by the way, that the wise-cracking tough girl is always brunette, and the richie rich gal is always blonde? The aforementioned Blair and Jo, Cheers' Diane and Rebecca (or for that matter, Diane and Carla)... I'm sure there are more.

Either way, so far, this brunette/blonde combo is having the most fun.

It's How You Play the Game

2011-09-19T10:39:00.001-05:00

I guess it takes the Emmy's/the promise of a new TV season/and a little time off to dust off the blog and say "what up" to you, my old Is-It-Just-Me?-TV-ers.

Did you watch the Emmy's last night? I did, and if I was grading it by my elementary school report card standards, I would give it somewhere between a "Satisfactory" and "Needs Improvement" (though even the "Talks too much in class" note that I often received seems fitting here).

But, I like to be Pollyanna Positive when I can, so we'll start out with the good...working our way down to the bad, lest you worry no snark will appear here.

The (Pretty) Good I must confess, I have never seen Glee. Well, I mean, I've SEEN it, like clips and such, but no, sorry, I have not jumped on the sing-a-long bandwagon. However, I thought Jane Lynch kept it all moving along and she had the right amount of wink-wink sarcasm for me.

"I'll have what she's having" award goes to Sofia Vergara. I could not feel more genetically inferior. And of course they paired her with Rob Lowe, just to remind us all that we are mere mortals. No amount of Spanx/push ups/botox/80 hours on the Stairmaster could ever make us worthy of their company.

The Bad I love a good water cooler moment, really, I do. So, whatever my feelings for Charlie Sheen's Insanity tour, I was thinking something really fun was going to happen - maybe a dream sequence for 2 and 1/2 Men that revealed all this crazy was imagined? Ashton Kutcher doing a mock Punk'd segment? Nope, Charlie just came on out and apologized, the audience's nervous light applause underscoring that we were all waiting for the punchline.

Still waiting.

The Ugly I am a huge Modern Family fan, but dear God Julie Bowen, what was with that Ally McBeal look? Get that gal a sandwich, with a side of extra carbs, stat!

The Golden Nuggets

2011-01-17T14:24:00.002-05:00

Help Wanted

Oh Ricky, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, Hey Ricky!!

All the trades today are saying Golden Globe host Ricky Gervais is dunzo for his skewering of everyone from Bruce Willis (who he introduced as "Ashton's dad") to Charlie Sheen with his easy, obvious jokes about Charlie's affection for porn stars.

Why is everyone so uptight and upset about this?

He's a freakin' comedian, people. Relax. Your parents laughed when Don Rickles did it back in the day. What, you haven't ever laughed at the bizarro world that is Demi-Bruce-Ashton? And even Charlie Sheen laughs at his own expense...uh, have you seen Two and a Half Men? Pretty sure you have, since it's one of CBS's top cash cows.

Anyhoo, who cares about any of that really. I'm just here to make like we're both on the red carpet and call it like I see it.

The Good Seriously Halle Berry. Just tell me. Do you drink the blood of virgins? Surely you've never eaten a bagel, not even one of those super thin less carb ones. How. Do. You. Do. It? I will buy your workout video, your diet book, anything. Name it. Just let the less genetically gifted in on your secret. Please?

Emma Stone. I haven't seen "Easy A" (seriously? this looked to be a rental at best but ok Hollywood Foreign Press....) but from your little coral number to your newly blonded hair, I see some big things for you.

Katey Sagal. Another one! I'll have what she's having! Peg Bundy, are you seeing Demi's plastic surgeon? And what is his name? I must friend him on Facebook.

The Bad Angie, oh Angie. In the beginning, I sort of got how your other-worldly beauty could steal away Brad from America's sweetheart. But lately, you just look frail and sad and kind of mortal, especially when the cameras caught you touching up your lipgloss (and I swear it was some common brand like Clinique) and then they caught you again fixing Brad's tie. You are better than this - you are princess Angelina! Last night you kinda just looked like a nervous chick at her prom.

Or maybe a prom chaperone.

Sandra Bullock! What were you thinking??? I love you like, all the time, but those Cousin It bangs have gots to go.

The really, really ugly C'mon, Helena Bonham Carter. That weird dirty hair schtick is kind of over now. You too, Tilda - you scare the crap out of me. Hit the beach and stop channeling ET.

Favorite moments of the night Like millions across the country, my fiance was sure Diane Warren was Liza Minnelli.

He was also sure Annette Bening stuck her finger in a bug zapper to get that hair. And why the glasses? I know they're sort of hip and vogue if you were playing the part of a magazine editor in a movie, but you're at the Golden Globes with Warren Beatty. Maybe put in your contacts.

And that's all the news that's fit to print....

More Lip Schtick

2010-10-11T11:54:00.000-05:00

Oh dear. After the media blitz of last week's "Harry Loves Lisa" premiere, I thought we'd be all tv-plastic-surgery-starred out, no? Now, I have to admit, I thought Lisa's cheerleadery support of Harry was sort of (gasp) genuine-seeming, but the lips! Oh, the lips! They make me so sad! Yet, I was powerless to look away. The Hamlin-Rinnas + TV Land know this, and so they've made La Lips the lip-pin, er, lynchpin of their marketing campaign for the show.

Give 'em credit, they know how to put their best foot forward. Or best lips forward.

Whatever.

But now, the latest reality show I will become powerless to resist is premiering on Bravo this Thursday. Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, Botox fans and others, I present to you:

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills!!!!

No, I can't believe I'm promoting this crap, either. The only Housewives franchise I have ever watched is New Jersey, but even that could only hold me for one season. How many episodes in a row can a girl take of the "Danielle-is-here...oh-my-gawd-that-whooooo-rah" theme song, ya know?

(Ok, full disclosure, I watched Bethenny Frankel on "Bethenny Getting Married" even though I'd never seen the NY franchise, but I swear she's somewhat normal...at least, normal using the Bravo television barometer.)

Anyhoo, I watched Bravo's preview clip and these ladies terrify and intrigue me at the same time. With Camille (Mrs. Kelsey) Grammer on board, no doubt the schadenfreude-tastic thrill of watching the implosion of her marriage to Kelsey will be the rubber neck draw of the series that Ms. Rinna's lips are on "Harry Loves Lisa".

Plus, it's got TWO Hilton relatives/ex-child stars, some woman named Lisa VanderPump (I couldn't make that up) who not only looks like Jackie Collins but could star in her awesomely trashy movies-of-the-week, a Maloof wife AND one woman with a very surgically altered lip. And a partridge in a pear tree.

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the freakiest of them all?

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

2010-10-05T13:18:00.000-05:00

Oh you crazy Bachelor kids! Why'd you have to go and recycle that kinda-seems-like-a-hick Brad Womack?? Surely you could do better? If it was controversy you were a-courtin', why not cast now-legendary (ok, kind of) bad boy Kovacs??

(For you non-Bachelor watchers, we'll get to him in a minute.)

I mean, who makes these decisions?

Anyhoo, Womack's claim to fame was that - scandal alert - he didn't pick either girl at the end. People were outraged. They couldn't believe he didn't fake-pick someone only to real-break up with them 6 weeks later!

But that's not really why he ushered in the Bachelor's brief shark-jumping era. I mean, in the beginning, they'd trot out all these guys with a gimmick, and you would (sort of) understand why the gals were all atwitter: Billionaire vineyard owner Andrew Firestone! Sort of a prince Lorenzo! Related to a C-List Actor Charlie O'Connell!

Womack's credentials? College drop-out/bartender. Woo hoo! No wonder you ladies were so upset he didn't pick you. How could you let him slip through your fingers?!

Oy.

So, supposedly he's gone through "intensive therapy" to ensure he's ready to pick someone at the end. And by "intensive therapy" I'm sure that means ABC's contract makes sure he's gotta walk outta there with some girl sportin' some bling.

But the bigger question is, who the hell wants him?

Would you date this man?

ABC, since you've thrown the Rico-Suave rich guy thing out the window as a pre-requisite, and recycling is your thing, why not bring back Jesse Kovacs?? He's the kind of guy every girl has gone out with (or tried to) at least once. Ladies, if you're around 25, you know this guy: hat backwards, cocky as hell dude? He might lure ya in with an Amstel Light when you see him across the bar, right?

And he may or may not call you...five days later.

He's the guy you love to hate and hate to love.

Now THAT is reality tv.

Loose Lips

2010-10-04T13:20:00.038-05:00

Did you know Harry Hamlin and Lisa Rinna have a 'reality' show, "Harry loves Lisa", that is premiering Wednesday on TV Land?

Yeah, me neither.

On the one hand, you think, ick! I would never watch this! On the other hand, you think...well, ick! Plus, no man would ever sit through it. Well, no man in MY house.

But then I watched this clip, and I thought...Lisa is kind of funny. Could this be...good? Rinna's way of getting all, um, lippy is kind of appealing in a Kathy-Griffin-outrageous kind of way (again with this show being a man repeller. Or at least, a straight man-repeller). In the very first intro clip, they're not afraid to dish the dirt, including the fact that it was Nicolette Sheridan dumping Harry for Michael Bolton that led to Harry and Lisa getting together.

Poor Michael Bolton is on everyone's, um, lips. He's having a really bad week. I said it before - you should've never cut the hair! It's why you tanked on Dancing with the Stars and why ~~Felicity~~ Keri Russell is in that God awful show (at least, it LOOKS awful) that's probably about to be canceled, "Running Wilde". Leave the hair alone. You don't see Kenny G getting a buzz cut! And what, you think Snooki would be Snooki without the pouf?

I digress, as usual.

Anyhoo, Harry and Lisa do seem to have a little schtick that could be something. Maybe, maybe not. I will say that their whole "Look at us, we're the Hollywood marriage that is the exception" thing is like inviting the Jinx Gods to come in and get them divorced, but that's the risk they'll have to take.

Besides, they claim they are solid. Hopefully that's not just lip service.

Tony the Tiger

2010-09-30T16:05:00.028-05:00

If you haven't already heard, tonight is the premiere of "Teach"...the new A&E show that follows Tony Danza going back to school as a teacher. Since my talented friend Erin Kelly was one of the producers, SPOILER ALERT, I'm probably gonna love it.

But that's not the only reason.

I'm a sucka for second chances. No, I don't mean a career 'comeback' for Danza. I'm pretty sure he can probably sit around in chairs made of gold from his "Taxi" and "Who's the Boss" residuals alone. (Even at gold's current price! Ladies, sell that ex-boyfriend jewelry asap. You can finally cash in on the remnants of that horrible relationship you cried over!)

I digress. Back to second chances.

Anyhoo...Tony went to school to be a teacher, but then went off and became Tony, that affable tv chap that many of us grew up with and loved. He could coast on that forever, but instead, at a whisker shy of sixty, he's taking a chance and, as he says, taking the road not taken.

And isn't that a great message to send to the very kids he's teaching? Not to get all preachy and Oprah-ish on ya, but seriously, by going 'back to school' he's saying it's never too late to try something new, and that's, uh...one to grow on.

Tony's reign on the touchy feely sitcom world may be over (heck, the touchy feely sitcom is over) but by taking a chance and stepping inside the classroom, he teaches a far bigger lesson than he ever did as a fictional ex-boxer-turned cab driver OR as a manny.

As himself, he's teaching the most important lesson of all:

YOU's the boss.

You Better, You Better, You Bet

2010-09-28T08:05:00.045-05:00

It's week 2 of the Fall premiere season. What are YOU watching?

Or are you still wading through all the new stuff on your DVR, like me?

This year, I don't think there's any new wowsers in the spirit of "Mad Men" or "Modern Family"...yet. But, here's the rundown so far, keeping in mind I've yet to watch "Chase" or "The Whole Truth". And "Running Wilde" and "Raising Hope" lost a DVR faceoff conflict so they're toast. Sorry.

LONE STAR: I really don't know why the critics went nuts over this one (and neither do you, since it tanked in the ratings). I mean, it's FINE, a decent soap opera with some sort-of-compelling plot twists. I'm not sure James Wolk really has the "It" Factor to carry the show. Sure, he's good looking, but does he come off as the charmer that could fool these two ladies?

Not to me.

And not to kick 'em with a steel-toed boot while they're down, but last night's ratings tanked again, so not even sure it's worth my time to invest in this show that is surely headed for that big cancellation cloud in the sky.

Sorry, pardner.

HAWAII FIVE O: Speaking of under-performing leading men...Alex O'Loughlin (known for "The Backup Plan") is the lead in Hawaii Five-O. Three minutes into watching last week, I almost turned it off. There hasn't been an actor this wooden since Andrew Shue on Melrose...and for some reason, that was fun. This...is not. It's like he's a poor man's Michael Vartan.

Next time just get Michael Vartan.

However....I stuck with it once I remembered Scott Caan was in this! Sure, the Lilliputian fellow has poufy, frosty hair and I'm pretty sure he was a key player in popularizing that awful trucker cap trend that was big for awhile, but I don't care! Love him!

Also, don't care that he basically plays the same wise crackin' dude in every show. He is SO watchable and fun, I'll stick with Hawaii Five O awhile longer just for him.

THE EVENT Episode 2 awaits me on my DVR, but the fact that I feel like it's homework to watch and it dropped 20% in the ratings this week....doesn't bode well for the future.

BLUE BLOODS Pros: The performances are good, even though once again Bridget Moynahan delivers every line through clenched teeth ~~like she's still pissed off at Tom Brady~~. Big (ish) names Tom Selleck and Donnie Wahlberg are good, and so is Will Estes.

Cons: My dear, dear writers, step up your craft. Episode one's plot devices were razor thin. Also, the whole bad boy cop "I break the rules" thing has been done ad nauseum, no?

Despite all this, it's worth sticking with it, especially as a nice Friday night down timer (what, you have plans???).

BETTER WITH YOU Last, but not least...if I HAD to pick a fave so far...I'm going with "Better With You". Is it Modern Family awesome? Well, no. But, it's pretty funny, the dialogue and characters are snappy and relatable. I actually watched it 2ce and found it even funnier the second time around. Sample exchange: Ben, who has been in a non-wedded relationship for 9 years, to Casey, kinda dumb guy about to marry his girlfriend's sister after 7 1/2 weeks: "It took us 7 months to decide on a coffee maker and I'm still not sure we didn't make a HUGE mistake".

Also, Jake Lacy as Casey really excels at playing the Duh-but-lovable guy in a sort of Joey-on-Friends kind of way.

I'm in!

Tonight, you can also try out "No Ordinary Family". It's about a family with superhero powers. I won't be watching, cuz, well, I"m not really into superheroes...but if you are, it's on ABC tonight.

PS. Jennifer Grey..keep those awesome Dancing with the Stars dances comin'. You are goin' all the way, Baby!!!

Survival of the Fittest

2010-09-22T10:03:00.032-05:00

We're almost half way there, people! Super premiere week rolls on and we have our very first ousted dancer on Dancing with the Stars.

*Spoilers*

Much to my chagrin, it was not "When a Man Loves a Woman" crooner/Nicolette Sheridan lover Michael Bolton that went home, but instead, they hassled the Hoff! That's right, David Hasselhoff, beloved Knight Rider rider/Baywatcher/German pop star David Hasselhoff was sent home. A travesty of justice, voters!

You must be the same people that kept Kate Gosselin around longer than Shannen Doherty. Shame on you.

Movin' on.

Tonight, ABC's "Modern Family" is back and I couldn't be more excited. But before that, "Better with You" premieres and I'm cautiously optimistic. The reviews have been sort of meh, but then again all the critics lovvvvvvved Lone Star and the headline in my inbox this morning said it might be canceled after one episode.

Clearly, no one knows anything.

Anyhoo, "Better With You" follows three couples in different love stages: newly engaged after a few weeks, dating for 9 years, and married for 35 years. Sure, the premise could get old (how many living together/Goldie Hawn + Kurt Russell jokes can they make? And they can't even dive into Susan Sarandon/Tim Robbins territory anymore!) but I'm a sucker for comedy so I'm willing to check it out.

Also tonight is NBC's premiere of the new J.J. Abrams spy drama, "Undercovers" Not sure if I'm still bitter at J.J. for "Lost" or feeling oversaturated on the spy front, but this show looks kind of lame to me. So it'll probably be a smash hit.

"The Whole Truth" is yet ANOTHER courtroom drama on ABC, this time promising to show both sides of the case to 'keep you guessing' about the outcome. Didn't we kinda do that on "The Practice" like 10 years ago? Anyway, it's got Maura Tierney and Rob Morrow, so there's that.

Last but not least, Survivor actually started last week, but if you want to see Nicaragua, a whole lot of trailer park trash and random contestant, ex-coach Jimmy Johnson compete for a million bucks, set the DVR to CBS.

Who will YOU be voting off tonight?

Oh Baby!

2010-09-21T12:01:00.024-05:00

I feel terrible. Like a total poseur. I tell y'all to blow off Dancing with the Stars and what do I do? I watch it. Not just part of it. Not just the beginning.

Every single shiny cha cha cha.

Sure, it started out innocently enough. All the really good tv wasn't starting till 9, so why not kill an hour dancing with the stars? But smarty-pants ABC saved all the good people for 9-10, and how could I NOT watch Jennifer Grey bring back a little dirty dancing? I mean, "I've Had the Time of My Life" was my prom theme for crying out loud.

Which makes me (and Jennifer Grey) kinda old. (But no less fabulous, of course.) In case you missed it, here's the clip...and if you don't cry when you watch...well then you are made of stone!

Meanwhile, back at the, um, ranch, I have Lone Star (and all the others) still on my DVR so I can't yet weigh in, but apparently I wasn't the only one watching Baby Come Back last night because Lone Star tanked in the ratings. Always a tricky thing, being the critical darling. Oh well.

Anyhoo, some noteworthy premieres tonight: Fox has Raising Hope and Running Wilde. Raising Hope is from the makers of My Name is Earl and is about a young white trashy kid who suddenly must raise a baby with help from his white trashy family; Running Wilde stars Will Arnett as a rich guy trying to woo hippy chick ~~Felicity~~ Keri Russell...hijinks ensue!

For all you Gleeks and weight loss lovers, Glee and The Biggest Loser are back. Personally, I'll be cozied up to see who gets voted off DWTS. I'd just assume send Bristol Palin home, not for political reasons, mind you, but because the poor thing looked about as comfortable and coordinated as I did at my 7th grade recital. And trust me, you don't want me to dig up THAT VHS.

The curiosity factor will probably keep her around at least another week or so. Plus, the judges oddly didn't rip her to shreds as I thought they would. Can't say the same for poor, stiff, uncomfortable, dull looking Michael Bolton. You're on the chopping block, dude. Take a cue from Jennifer Grey and loosen up!

She's like the wind.

Monday Night Madness!

2010-09-20T10:38:00.038-05:00

Wow. I went from watching Sex and the City re-runs again just to pass the time...to tonight's explosion of premieres and some super tv decisions to make. What to watch, what to watch. No doubt you are also feeling the DVR pressure. Might even be time to add another DVR.

(Or get a life.)

Anyhoo, as I was plotting my strategy on what to watch, it reminded me of an old drinking game I used to play, "Kiss, Kill, Marry". I don't remember how drinking played a part, but the concept is simple: given the names of three fictitious suitors, what would you do with each? You know, like "Kiss George Clooney, Kill Brad Pitt, Marry Jon Hamm".

Uh, or something like that.

There is so much crap premiering tonight that all I can say is, thank God I'm not a football fan, too, or I'd be really in trouble! So, since I'm not into fantasy football, let's play my little game:

KISS: The Event Yes, this looks like a keeper. Who doesn't love Blair Underwood in anything, really? But, I don't want to get too attached because it looks just like all those other high-concept shows that I get all into and the network pulls the plug around episode 7. The plot? It's about some big cover-up that even the president (Blair Underwood) didn't know about. Some regular guy who looks exactly like James Marsden (but is actually Josh Ritter) gets caught up in all of it while trying to find his missing girlfriend. Also, that chick that played Kerry Weaver on ER is a big part of it but she doesn't have any crutches.

KILL Dancing with the Stars I know, I know - I kinda wanna watch Jennifer Grey, too. Not tryin' to put Baby in a corner. But Bristol Palin? Really? How many times do you think the camera's going to cut to Mommie Dearest in the audience? I can't stomach that. Besides, you can catch the recap tomorrow instead of sitting through all 120 minutes of mush.

MARRY: Lone Star Not gonna lie, I'm really just jumping on all the other critics' bandwagons here, but I've already mentioned that this show about a guy living a double life looks pretty good to me. Plus, newcomer James Wolk has lots of potential as the next McDreamy-ish heartthrob type, and we need some more of those, no?

ON THE FENCE:

Hawaii Five-O I'll check it out because Scott Caan is hilarious. Jury's out on the guy from "The Backup Plan" (let's hope he's better in this) and, no offense to Daniel Dae Kim, but I just can't view him as anyone but Jin from Lost.

Chase If you're a Jerry Bruckheimer fan, this is for you, but I'm not overly excited, mainly because all of the marketing materials start out describing the female lead as a "cowboy-boot wearing deputy" and that sounds really lame. But, the premiere episode features Travis Fimmel, a model I worked with early in his career (name drop alert!) at Calvin Klein, and he was sweet as pie. So watch for him.

Just another manic Monday.

Tik Tok on the Clock

2010-09-14T09:34:00.036-05:00

In the last 2 weeks I have seen The Backup Plan and The Switch (who knew sperm donors were so hilarious?). I'm guessing you probably haven't seen either, based on the box office results, but I'm here to tell you that both are solid chick flick rentals, if you're into that sorta thing. Now technically, The Switch is still in theaters, but I assure you it will be on DVD in a minute.

Having trouble deciding which ticking clock comedy to see? Don't worry, I'm here to guide you through the decision making process, like that special friend who takes you for your first pregnancy test in high school.

Hmm. Maybe I've been watching too much of Teen Moms. Sorry. Anyhoo...

GLAM APPEAL

The Backup Plan has JLO looking bright and shiny and rocking designer frocks in every scene.

The Switch has Jennifer Aniston looking somewhat disheveled (for a movie star, not for a real life person) and probably wondering why as Executive Producer she didn't fire her hair and makeup person.

Winner: JLO by her hair

SUPPORTING STAR POWER

The Switch has Juliette Lewis as Jennifer Aniston's wacky sidekick, no doubt wondering when her career veered into 'wacky sidekick' territory.

The Backup Plan has 82 year old Tom Bosley (Mr. C from Happy Days) playing a 93 year old, making you sad that he looks so frail and that he's no longer doling out sage advice to Richie and Fonzie. Also, Linda Lavin (remember Alice?) plays his girlfriend, probably wondering at age 72 how she could be cast as the girlfriend and missing Mel's Diner something fierce.

Winner: Though I sort of like the amusing backstory of knowing Jennifer Aniston + Juliette Lewis both were with Brad Pitt, I have to give the edge to The Backup Plan for pure retro appeal.

CUTE KID FACTOR

In the Backup Plan, we don't really get to see the fruits of Jennifer Lopez's, um, labor.

In the Switch, cutie patootie Thomas Robinson takes over where that kid from Jerry Maguire left off.

Winner: Thomas Robinson by default.

LOVE INTEREST

The Switch has fan favorite Jason Bateman as the guy that "shhh, we the audience know he secretly loves her but can't tell her even as she is about to get herself a donor". Unfortunately, he spends the whole movie doing that Jason Bateman surly thing, and you can't for the life of you figure out why she'd ever want to be with him.

The Backup Plan has Alex O'Loughlin as the guy JLO falls for right after she gets pregnant. Alex who?

Winner: Neither. Hollywood really needs to come up with some new leading men.

Tweet This

2010-09-10T12:15:00.034-05:00

As those of you who play along with me here in the blogosphere know, this week I got all social media hip and joined Twitter.

So far, it has resembled the five stages of grief:

Day One - DENIAL: This is for losers! My time is WAY too valuable to be tweeting! And when have I ever been able to say anything in 140 characters or less?

Day Two - ANGER: How many F*@&ing times is this thing going to crash? How come no one can see my tweets? How the F@** do you read all this crap? Why isn't anyone following me?

Day Three - BARGAINING: Please, five-people-I-know-that-have-Twitter-accounts, follow me! Please Twitter tech support, help me fix my profile so people can actually find it.

Day Four - DEPRESSION: I still only have 10 followers. Snooki has almost half a million.

More crushing (?): Lindsay Lohan understands how to properly tweet, and I still don't.

Day Five - ACCEPTANCE: Maybe I'll continue to try and get some D-list celebs to give me a shout out. I might be able to get my manicurist to follow me.

Twitter oddities:
"Blair" from Facts of life has 9,000 + followers...

Joaquin Phoenix has only slightly more at 11,000+

Which reminds me, to all you potential Tweet-ees...
I'm Still Here.

Don't forget to click below to follow me! And tell your friends!

Talk Soup

2010-09-08T11:29:00.031-05:00

Lots going on around the talk dial. Larry King's Out. Piers Morgan is in. And David Letterman did his very first appearance on that super estrogen fest you love to hate, The View.

You'll have to wait till November 8th to catch Conan on TBS.

Back to Letterman for a sec. I've always been TEAM LETTERMAN ever since the Leno/Letterman late night wars (remember when that poor actor dude had to don a prosthetic chin in the MOVIE about this? Eek.). Let's be honest, the Letterman/Leno spat is old news, but I can't help it, the Conan dustup got me all interested again.

And it got Babs interested, too. God bless her, she got right in there and asked Dave about it and it's pretty juicy. Dave even impersonates Leno. Love it!

So how come the ABC marketing machine isn't putting this clip everywhere? Boooo ABC. Bad marketing. Bad.

Instead, the clip they are pushing everywhere is Dave and Barbara talking about their heart surgeries. Yes, I'm glad they didn't croak but if I wanted to hear about heart stuff I'd re-watch the Boston Med episodes still clogging up my DVR.

Or maybe a Denny Duquette rerun on Grey's Anatomy.

Well, some dude had a heart and cared enough to upload the Leno bashing, so you can watch it here...even if it's VIDEOTAPED off the tv. Oh dear, this is worse sound quality than when I used to hold my cassette recorder up to the tv to record that Joanie loves Chachi song. Anyhoo, the juicy stuff starts around :30 in.

Or, if you've got some time to kill, you can sit through the whole episode all bright and shiny on ABC's website. Hmm, maybe they're smarter than I thought.

As for Piers Morgan replacing suspenders spokesperson Larry King, I guess he's ok. I would've preferred someone with a little more spunk. Lately my choice for every tv host vacancy seems to be Bret Michaels or Chris Harrison. Bandana or Fantasy Suite?

You decide.

Tweetle Dumb

2010-09-07T10:31:00.036-05:00

Lately, I've been nervous that I may have lost my edge. I was shopping at Marshall's (yes, Marshall's - go ahead and judge. It's the New Economy. I'm trying to be all Suze Orman-ish! Though, come to think of it, she probably wouldn't want me shopping at all. Hmm. Can't win.).

I digress. So I'm shopping at Marshall's and I pick up what I believe to be kind of a cool outfit, and then I'm stopped dead in my tracks. The sign above it says "Pretty 'N Professional". Am I really the "Pretty 'N Professional" sort? Me, a gal who has helped create global advertising campaigns for Calvin Klein? The same gal who has been FRONT ROW at Fashion Week?

Imagine my horror.

There was still time to recover. I mean, I know I'm still KINDA cool. My recent purchase of a sliced leather Linea Pelle bracelet has netted me dozens of compliments from utter strangers, so I must still have the look, right? So WHAT if I 100% copied it from JLO because she wore it in ~~The Switch~~ The Backup Plan. I. Still. Am. Cool.

Anyhoo, I tossed the "Pretty N Professional" outfit aside and reached for a much hipper suede-y-furry-fringey vest for fall. Totally Cool. Totally Hip. I'm so there.

Uh, the tag says "Teen Vogue" and I'm twenty years too late. Time to leave the store.

Maybe it's time to reassess. I realize one disastrous shopping trip shouldn't scare me into fearing my hipster relevance in the world, but dang it all Stella's gettin' her groove back. So I did something even more shocking than being pretty or professional. You're not gonna believe it.

I joined Twitter!
YUP, that's right, I'm now keeping up with what ~~Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher~~ all the crazy kids are up to. Ok, I still don't totally understand it, but I do know if you are a twitterer, too, I need you to follow me immediately! And if you REALLY want to help me out, maybe tweet a little love and tell your followers about me!
http://twitter.com/IsItJustMeTV

Thanks in advance for helping spread the word. I don't want to be destined for a life of Pretty N Professional.

PS. I hear this IPhone thing is catching on. Is this true?

The Gold Standard

2010-08-30T11:30:00.041-05:00

I mean, I knew it was going to be a good night when the opening Emmy number was set to Bruce Springsteen and included Jon Hamm. That and knowing George Clooney was going to be receiving the Humanitarian award? About as mysterious an outcome for me as when I order up some nachos at the local pub: pure joy!

Duh.

GOOD Everyone's been talking about how good the opening number was and I'm no exception. Besides what I've already mentioned, let's not leave out that Betty White never gets old (figuratively and literally). I even have to admit that I liked the Kate Gosselin moment where she disses herself, though it was slightly marred by the fact that girl looks a little plastic surgeried up to me. Had to rewind for a sec after a "Who is that?" moment. Seriously, Kate, it's time to go away and design baby strollers or something. Step. Away. From. The. Camera.

BETTER Ok, fine, it's no secret I'll pretty much like anything with George Clooney in it, but his inclusion in the "How can we make Modern Family better" bit was priceless.

BTW, when I tried to find a picture for this, I Googled "george clooney emmy modern family". Why is the picture that comes up first the girl who plays Kayla on Days of Our Lives? Someone should start a website of "Weird S&*T that turns up on Google searches".

Hmm, maybe I just did.

BEST And of course, speaking of Modern Family...Eric Stonestreet getting the Emmy was not just good because he is so freaking hilarious as Cameron on that show, but for me, way beyond all the quippy banter and skits, I am tuned in for the good acceptance speeches. Not the over-rehearsed-in-front-of-the-mirror ones (I'm talking to you Kyra Sedgwick) but the really awesome, heartfelt-make-you-cry ones, and Eric's speech fit the bill. Plus, bringing his mama as his date and giving his award to his parents as a show of his appreciation?

I'd like him to be a part of my modern family.

They Might Be Giants

2010-08-26T12:43:00.046-05:00

Despite the recent cold snap, fall is still a ways off. But, never too soon to start DVR planning ahead! We've already talked about a few of the legal shows and Matt LeBlanc's long-overdue comeback vehicle...but what about some of these potential gems?

RAISING HOPE
Fox mashes up "Three Men + a Baby", a little "Baby Boom" and a dash of "Juno". Maybe a bit of "Raising Arizona".

Pros Nice to see Martha Plimpton still kicking around. The lead newcomer kid seems to have some promise. Is it just me or does he look like (a young) Crispin Glover?

Cons It's from the creators of "My Name is Earl"...and I'm pretty sure they reached the white trash quota in season one of THAT show. Also, probably a limit on diaper-catastrophe-hijinks plot lines.

Bottom Line When American Idol tanks because Fox blew getting Jlo as a judge, they'll need a hit. Give 'em some love.

SCHOOL PRIDE
NBC attempts tries to dig out of the hole they're in with feel good TV in this Extreme-Home-Makeover-for-Schools reality show.

Pros Who doesn't love a little feel good tv?

Cons These schools might need more than a fresh coat of paint.

Bottom Line The "hosts" seem a little random, but I'll support casting Miss USA Susie Castillo since she hails from the place where everybody knows her name. Also, it's like replaying the ending to "Lean on Me" every single week...and I love that movie!

Go ahead, try and not think of that theme song....

LONE STAR
Fox has another potential goodie on its hands with this series that's got serious buzz (my boyfriend even knew about this one, and he doesn't spend half his days scouring the internet for tv news like crazy me). The premise? It's about a really hot con man that lives a double life. And it's got Jon Voight.

Pros It's about a really hot con man that lives a double life. It's from the creators of "Party of Five". How can it lose?

Cons Could they have come up with a more original title? Googling it yields way too many John Sayles references, beer and country songs to slog through before I could find it on YouTube.

Bottom Line Weren't you listening? Hot con man? From the creators of "Party of Five"? Just watch it!

The Envelope Please

2010-08-25T09:16:00.026-05:00

I was starting to panic. There are only 5 episodes of Mad Men left (yes, really) and there's only so much back-to-back-to-back Bachelor incarnations I can take before I need to regenerate my brain cells by reading a book or something.

So with a tv lull looming before the new fall shows begin, I am relieved that at least I have the Emmys coming up THIS Sunday!!

Things I'm Looking Forward to:
George Clooney is receiving the Bob Hope Humanitarian Award. I don't know what this entails, but it's a segment honoring George Clooney. Um, duh. I'll be there.

Modern Family has 14 nominations. Would love to see a sweep...though that kid and Ed O'Neill weren't part of those nominations? Muy mal.

Conan's now defunct Tonight Show is nominated. I'm with Coco!!! How bad do you want to see THAT speech? Suck it, Jay Leno.

I'll probably grab some Ben + Jerry's during...
I'm still bitter over wasting 6 years of my life on LOST. Not rooting for anyone from LOST and especially hoping there are no Dharma-themed skits. And enough dragging it out with that auction already! No, I don't want to buy the smoke monster, musical instruments from Driveshaft, and absolutely, positively I do not want any of their what I assume-to-be-smelly outfits!

BTW, how come no one's hair ever got longer on that show? Maybe if they didn't waste time fashioning a blade to cut it, they would've gotten off the island sooner.

Wait, did they get off the island or did the smoke monster get them? I'm still not sure...

Birds Of A Feather

2010-07-06T12:08:00.015-05:00

Oh Jake and Vienna. How you make me ashamed of myself for following your "journey".

If you, like me, stayed up last night to see Jake and Vienna try and out fame-whore each other, you felt more than a little grody this morning. I think I have a Bachelor hangover.

I mean, first we had to sit through that SNOOZE fest Bachelorette episode last night where NOTHING happened. Say what you will about Justin "Rated R", but now that he's gone, what is there to watch for?

If the trailers are right, the producers are basically saying "Sorry this is so boring, but hang tight till the episode where Ali and the boys are at the beach, because Frankie-four-eyes is gonna drop a BOMBshell that will leave Ali bawling her little doe eyes out.

(Sorry, Frank, about the four eyes comment. I have glasses like that too, but I only wear them in the privacy of my own home to like wash my face and stuff. Splurge on the thinner lenses or get Lasik or something if you're gonna go on tv. Thanks.)

I digress.

In the meantime, like other pathetic Bachelor fans, I stayed up to watch the most boring Bachelor breakup in history. I love love love Chris Harrison, but couldn't he have gotten them to spill more salacious details than...Jake doesn't like when Vienna questions his ability to give directions?

Oh, he's a man?

But seriously, if Jakey-poo was hoping to parlay Bachelor-dom into an acting career, it might be time to rethink that choice.

Well, unless he was trying to ACT like a douche. In that case, ship this boy an Academy Award immediately.

Ice, Ice Baby

2010-06-23T08:27:00.017-05:00

Another week, another topsy turvy Bachelorette episode.

*Spoilers*

This week, Ali and the gang headed to Iceland. I am guessing the Iceland tourism board sponsored this episode...either that or every cast member suddenly developed some kind of Iceland-Tourette's. The transcript of the first few minutes went something like this: "I am excited to walk down the street IN ICELAND to fall in love with Ali IN ICELAND where surely some cool stuff will happen IN ICELAND. ICELAND, ICELAND, ICELAND. Did I mention we'll be in ICELAND?"

Um, yeah. Now, I was pretty psyched to watch this episode, especially since I'm headed to ICELAND in a few days. What a coincidink!

Luckily for me, I'll be exploring the land of volcanoes and glaciers with my boyfriend, and not those knuckleheads that Ali had to contend with.

Let's be honest, the contestant pool this season is WEAK! Now, the total New England girl in me is of course rooting for Mr. Cape Cod-Nice-Guy ~~next bachelor~~ Chris L. Duh. However, the producer in me loves loves loves Justin "Rated R" aka "The Wrestler". I'm sure all the blogs are right, and that he's just another fame-whorin' kinda guy...but who cares?! He is so much more fun than the rest of these snoozers!

In my house, we love watching him stir it up, and I'm sort of hoping it's not him who leaves next week in the most shocking-departure-EVER.

As for this week, as expected, wackado Kasey was eliminated after revealing his tattoo, and the producers, I imagine, were practically beside themselves to get that shot of Ali and Justin pulling away in a helicopter while Kasey was left to freeze to death on a glacier. I did cackle with delight at this, too, but no frost-bitten exit interview with Kasey???

B-b-b-bummer.

Ali Oops

2010-06-17T07:39:00.026-05:00

*Spoilers*

I finally got around to watching Monday's Bachelorette. With each week's episodes clocking in at 2 hours, it's hard to get through it all in a timely fashion. So, it ends up on a to-do list somewhere between laundry and a mani-pedi (hey, you can't neglect your cuticles).

Anyhoo, this crap gets loonier every season, and they've got a doozy of a character this go-round. Having worked with some Bachelor producers myself, I have it on pretty good authority that all contestants have to go through a pysch consult before going on the show.

I'm pretty sure Kasey slipped through.

I'm also pretty sure the producers must be giving Ali a bonus to keep this crazy stalker around.

In case you missed it, after Ali basically told Kasey to ~~refill his anti-pyschotic prescription~~ slow down, he went out and got a tattoo. In her honor. Oy.

Before Ali got to see this piece of (art)work and be suitably horrified, she was pulled away, so he slips through to another week. Sadly, though, her biggest mistake wasn't keeping Kasey around.

Ali, Ali, Ali. When the producers boss you around to keep a seemingly deranged lunatic on the show so people keep tuning in, ok, you do it.

But, when they ask you to don a LEOTARD that even Heidi Klum would have trouble pulling off, one that is so unflattering it creates a fake-side-boob situation, it's time to take a stand.

I don't care if you get to be in "The Lion King". In that outfit, no one can feel the love tonight.

Legal Eagles

2010-06-08T10:54:00.022-05:00

I know we've got a long, hopefully hot, summer before the fall shows hit, but it is my duty to keep you informed so you can plan ahead.

CBS has a duo of legal shows debuting, and the jury's out on both. For your consideration....

BLUE BLOODS A 'law enforcement family' drama from Sopranos producers, starring Tom Selleck, Bridget Moynahan and Donnie Wahlberg.

Pros It's from Sopranos producers. Everyone loves Tom Selleck. And who doesn't love a Wahlberg?

Cons Is it just me, or has Bridget Moynahan cornered the market on playing pinchy characters?

Worrisome that in this trailer, when listing why the show is exciting, Tom Selleck says "it has plots".

Let's at least hope he's right.

THE DEFENDERS Two Vegas lawyers bend the rules in this buddy comedy. Starring Jim Belushi and Jerry O'Connell.

Pros The trailer seems to indicate that it has that 80's Beverly Hills Cop vibe to it, if you're into that sort of thing.

I've sort of always loved Jim Belushi ever since he played Rob Lowe's obnoxious sidekick in "About Last Night', no matter that he's kind of the king of the kitschy.

Plus, I went to a taping of "According to Jim" once and he pulled me out of the audience and serenaded me. True story.

Cons Is it possible to watch Jerry O'Connell and not think about how he got Rebecca Romijn from John Stamos?

No Bull(ock)

2010-06-07T15:34:00.019-05:00

I try to reserve this blog for the things that are important and meaningful in this world- ripping apart reality stars and finding good television.

And so I generally make it a rule not to tread on TMZ territory (really, is there anything grosser right now than that freaky Gary Coleman ~~killer~~ profiteer/ex-wife/bottom-feeder?).

But sometimes you have to break the rules.

Anyhoo, though this does veer into gossip land, I have to talk about Sandra Bullock's awesome comeback appearance this weekend. I mean, girls all over the world were devastated when they heard that idiot she was married to, well, turned out to be such an idiot. I don't think I've seen ladies this upset about someone-they-don't-know's break up since Brad left Jen for the Dragon Lady.

But this was worse.

This was the Sweetheartiest of America's Sweethearts. The one that stayed off page 6 and whom you'd be hard pressed to find a bad word about.

So what's a gal to do? I'll tell ya. You lay low for a while, and make an appearance like this one:

Not only does she make us laugh and handle this whole mess with incredible grace, but she did the impossible.

I kinda forgot about Jesse James.

Instead, I was thinking that Sandy must've spent all of her time on the Stairmaster during her downtime because girlfriend is not lookin' 45.

No wonder she smooched Scarlett Johansson. She's got legs. And she knows how to use them.

I'll Be There For You

2010-06-03T12:02:00.037-05:00

When people tell you, "I've got good news and bad news", which do you ask for first?

I've got both.

Two of your favorite FRIENDS are returning to television - Matthew Perry and Matt LeBlanc.

Welllll...first, I'm giving you the bad news:

Matthew Perry is coming to ABC in a new series called "Mr. Sunshine". Now, I've always liked Perry, even if he sorta always plays the Chandlerish character. That's cool. It's comforting and dependable, like when you're channel surfing and have to stop to watch Rocky or Pretty Woman (again). Adrian! Work it, girl...you own it!

Never gets old.

So, I was sorta psyched to watch this promo and see what kind of hijinks the latest Chandler incarnation would get into.

And then I watched. Oh dear God, I watched. All 3 minutes-OH-DEAR-GOD-HOW-MUCH-LONGER-IS-THIS and one seconds of it, I watched. Perry is a turning-40-having-a-midlife-crisis guy who manages - WAIT FOR IT! - a stadium. Hilarious, right? Um, not so much.

Maybe it's just a bad teaser. Maybe it'll be better than it looks. Maybe the world is flat.

Not exactly holding my breath.

On a lighter note, Matt LeBlanc's comeback (Is my spin thru IMDB right? Has he really done NOTHING since JOEY?) on Showtime has me calling up my cable provider and adding the pay channel to my lineup.

Matt LeBlanc plays...Matt LeBlanc. Maybe this joke will get old. I hope not. The premise centers around producers bringing a British show to America. They want to dumb it down, so they cast - who else? - Matt LeBlanc. Brilliant!

All I can say is...How YOU doin'?

Blonde Ambition

2010-06-02T14:40:00.019-05:00

Those Bachelor producers are at it again! The latest Bachelorette (no big surprise for those of us Rose followers) is Bachelor/Jake season alumni/early-leaver Ali.

Now, I was a big Ali fan on the Bachelor, too. Cutie, blondie, breezy, New England-turned-San Fran gal? What's not to like?

Well, here's the problem.

We're two episodes in, and there are some issues. Now, don't hate me for this, but...

Dear Bachelorette-stylemakers/producer-types;

Ali finally dumped the Facebook job to go on your Bachelor franchise, the main purpose of which is to get her in a hot tub on national television...I'm sorry, but she is not looking TV skinny. Hold the hate mail. I'm sure her skinny jeans are way skinnier than mine. I am NOT suggesting she is fat. Calm down.

But, you producer-types are making her look kinda, well, NOT Bachelorette-ish. If you were throwing her in some prepster J.Crew-ish dresses more often, it'd be just fine. But, you're shoving her into these awkward unflattering outfits and seem to have pasted some Brittany Spears-ish extensions into her formerly au naturel hairstyle. Or worse, her photo shoot with the boys had her rocking a bikini with...what were those, business pants? If she can't rock the full bikini, then at least throw her in a sarong!

Let's be clear - I'm not hating on Ali. I'm SO not. But fix that wardrobe problem, STAT!

Also, with all the ~~fame whores~~ eligible bachelors out there, couldn't you at least have found some hotter guys?

On a lighter note, I'm proud of you Bachelor producers. Season 800 (or whatever) and you've kept your record and delivered a season teaser that includes a police siren and what looks like some serious drama drama drama.

I'm hooked, thorns and all.

Grey Area

2010-05-23T22:34:00.016-05:00

*Spoilers Galore!*

When I settled in to watch the LOST finale, I knew I was probably in for some disappointment. I have been lamenting the general lost art of the finale all week, and was actually pleasantly surprised when I tuned in to watch the Grey's Anatomy season ender the other night. With Grey's I got 2 hours of heart-stopping, Dallas-style shoot 'em up drama.

Well, I was psyched to have a series deliver the goods...until Grey's decided to wrap it all up in neat little bow with no cliffhangers to mess with my summer. And so I whined about that. Careful what you wish for...I could use a bow or too from Lost.

But, enough about Grey's. You don't care about that. When you get to the office, no one's going to be talking about McDreamy. Instead, I see a serious backlash comin' at those producers with more fervor than that smoke monster.

Don't get me wrong. I love when finales piss people off. I defended The Soprano's for weeks. Seinfeld...years. But this lame ass ending?

Not so much.

It's not like I'm asking them to have installed Bob Newhart in the pulpit. But honestly, the only real Purgatory is that I wasted 6 years on this crap.

I wasn't expecting lots of answers. But how about...some? Any? So many questions...like....what happened to Jack's other wife - was she too busy with her "Modern Family"? Why did Ben go from creepiest bully EVER to biggest wuss this season? Why did I just sit through more commercials than content?

Also, I'm no churchie, but how come the killers (Kate, Sawyer, Sayid....) get to go to heaven?

Well, lots of people are embracing all this Heavenly Light mumbo jumbo. Good for them. As for me?

I'm still wondering why it was NOT PENNY'S BOAT. Maybe I'll find out in another life, brotha.

No Love Lost

2010-05-08T13:01:00.020-05:00

After 6 years of flashbacks, flash forwards, and flash-wherevers, we finally get our finale.

*Spoilers*

Now, I don't read Lost message boards, but I've certainly heard enough chatter about the certainly plausible "It's a dream", "They're in an insane asylum", and "It's Purgatory" theories. All possible.

But I have another.

Is it just me, or has this season actually uncovered that all Lost REALLY is, is a whole lotta theft from some famous movies?? I'm going on record now to say that when the smoke clears (uh, so to speak) on finale night, I think we'll find out this was all just stories being pitched by a Hollywood writer. Maybe we'll flash to him sitting in a studio, piles of scripts in hand, making pitch after pitch, only to be rejected for the lack of originality.

Not sure where I'm going with this? Consider the facts. First, that damn smoke monster. Um, does no one else remember the end of Ghost when basically the same smoky thing gobbles up the bad guys?

And then, there's the more obscure cult classic, Pet Sematary. In this Stephen King movie, people that came back from the dead were suddenly kinda evil, kinda off, and that guy that used to play Herman Munster kept exclaiming, "Sometimes dead is bettahhhh!". Um, isn't that what happened to Claire and Said? This argument is slightly weakened by the fact that the writers kind of blew off that storyline, except for the ridiculous decision to underscore Claire's new nuttiness with frizzy hair week after week. In the land of the Lost, no conditioner=crazy.

Apparently.

And then of course, last week, there was that sinking submarine with the teary goodbye of the Kwon's. Ok, I did tear up a little, but mostly, I couldn't shake Celine Dion in my head belting out "My Heart Will Go Onnnnnnnnn". Damn Titanic stealers.

Not sure what movies they'll rip off next week, but I'm sticking with my theory.

Or maybe we'll find out it was just a 3 hour tour.

The Envelope Please

2010-03-07T22:18:00.020-05:00

Another year, another chick Super Bowl. Stream of consciousness thoughts on the Oscar festiviites:

Red Carpet commentator, Kathy Ireland Who dug her up? While her '80s Sports Illustrated calendars are impressive, and sure, that Kmart product line is like, awesome, her choice as a red carpet commentator? Somewhat vexing. Oh, and please don't write in and tell me how she was on Dancing with the Stars. A show that casts Kate Gosselin does not a credible '00s celeb make. Meanwhile, speaking of the time warp...

That opening footage on ABC of 'classic' red carpet What was with that VHS-ish completely random feed of 90's-era celeb couples? I'm pretty sure last I checked Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford aren't together anymore. Weird and awkward, ABC. But on the other hand....

John Hughes Tribute Unexpected highlight of the night, for sure, even if Molly Ringwald looked terrified and Judd Nelson...oh, Judd Nelson. Someone give this guy a comeback movie, quick.

'In Memoriam" montage Yes, yes, touching to have James Tayor sing along as we watch the long list of celebs who have passed, but don't they usually leave the biggest stars to the end...ya know, the grand finale of famous people deaths? Michael Jackson was lumped in like he was a random PR exec and did I miss it or did they really forget Farrah Fawcett?

Best Score Montage 10:50pm...probably not the best time to launch into your 5 hr interpretative dance/mime routine of all the best score nomineezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Baby Come Back

2010-02-23T22:55:00.000-05:00

I'm still here. Kinda sounds like something someone would say in a melodramatic love story, no?

In this case, though, it's just me reminding all you loyal readers that I haven't forgotten ya! Big changes here in tv gal's world, leaving little time to entertain you with my tv tales.

Alas, I'm not a Lost time traveler, so I can't turn a wheel that rotates the globe and go back in time (or whatever the hell they do on that show), but I can kick off 2010 (better late than never) with my random musings on what I've been seeing on that little box we call TV.

*Spoilers*

Lost Oh dear, I've been along for this entire ride and I still have no idea what's going on. And not just on a large scale. Was anyone else curious last week when Sawyer had that engagement ring for Juliet? Was there a Kay Jewelers on the island?

The Bachelor When this show is good (Andrew Firestone season was the last good one, judge if you want to) it's good, and when it's bad it's reallllllly bad (What was worse, C-List Jerry O'Connell's brother or that fake prince?). You gotta give it up to ABC for hanging in there, though. It's gotta be in like the 100th season, and they are keeping it fresh by busting out so many ~~producer orchestrated~~ twists and turns that I am shamelessly hooked. Contestant kicked off for hooking up with a producer! Bachelor hates the contestants so much he can't even bring himself to give out all the roses! Contestant picks job over Jake!

Bring it. I'll be there for the final rose.

The Olympics Sorry, I'm all GO USA and such, but unless a skater gets clubbed in the knee, I just can't bring myself to care.

Ah, but I do care about tv. It's good to be back!

Globe Trotting

2009-12-15T14:31:00.026-05:00

The Golden Globe nominations were announced this morning, giving me some excitement to look forward to when the holidays are over. Set the DVR (or VCR, if you're super retro) for Sunday, January 17th on NBC (or maybe, by then, "Comcast-world TV").

Frankly, this can't come soon enough in terms of giving me something to do. I've been so submerged in creating the perfect holiday decor that I might be out Martha Stewart-ing Martha Stewart (seriously, did SHE pick pinecones out of her backyard for her latest holiday art project?). I don't want to say I'm overdoing it, but my boyfriend just nicknamed me the "Christmas hog".

Maybe it's time I actually got a job.

Anyhoo, the Globes are my fave! TV and Film, all in one place. Now, I'm at a disadvantage having not seen a lot of the movies yet. There was a glitch in shipping my free screeners ~~and I'm too cheap to shell out the money to go to the theater~~ so I'm a little behind.

The nominations give me pause, however, about the state of comedic films in America. Best Actress in a musical or comedy...Julia Roberts for DUPLICITY???? No offense to Jules, love the gal and all (who has seen Pretty Woman more than me? Anyone? Anyone?) and she was FINE in this movie, but the movie just kind of went nowhere and no one really saw it. This is the best they could come up with for this category?

And, I have admittedly not seen It's Complicated. I love Alec Baldwin. I love Meryl Streep. Steve Martin's pretty funny most of the time. So why do I feel like this movie sucks? Wasn't this also the name of that horrible Denise Richards show?

That can't be a good sign.

Hopefully the Globe voters have it right. Those mystical foreign press folks were at least smart enough to heap lots 'o praise on my old pal George Clooney.

Up in the Air is one movie I am sure does NOT suck.

Crouching Tiger

2009-12-14T15:06:00.011-05:00

I don't necessarily want to jump on the "bash Tiger" bandwagon, so that means I can't make any 'hole in one' or 'catch a tiger by the tail' jokes. Too easy and, well...ew.

Plus, you can't blame the guy. I mean, he's spent years representing a company whose slogan is "Just Do It". He was just following orders!

Ok, sorry, I had to get one in.

Seriously, though, I just have to wonder, how did this guy pull this off for so long? And how many other 'role models' are leading double lives? There are some seriously douche-y dudes freaking out right now that they might be outed next.

And let's not leave out the ladies. I'm sure there are plenty of famous all-American gals out there who also have a few skeletons.

But, until the next scandal breaks, and the paparazzi move onto that feeding frenzy, only one question remains for me (well, besides the obvious "How the hell did he find time to play golf?" one)...Who will get the coveted post-scandal interview. Will it be...

-A teary apology with Babwa Walters?

-A frank discussion with Oprah?

-Maybe a man to man talk with Bob Costas?

I just beg you, Tiger, please no sudden 'sex addiction rehab' BS. This will just give bottom feeders like Drew Pinsky even more fodder and we both know the only reason you, ahem, allegedly cheated with so many women was because you can.

Tiger's people are no doubt trying to figure out the best sympathetic comeback role possible. I have no inside scoop, but I'm pretty sure it won't be a guest spot on Cougar Town.

Just a hunch.

Ho Ho Ho

2009-12-01T15:41:00.028-05:00

ABC Family just kicked off their 25 days of Christmas programming block to help get you in the holiday spirit. Now, I certainly love this concept, because it's a guarantee to catch some of those gems that you look forward to every year.

HOWEVER....

To fill 25 days of holiday programming, you're bound to end up with some clunkers. So, while I'm pretty excited to revisit Frosty and Rudolph, what programming executive was in charge of...

Special Delivery Not only does the premise sound a bit like the plot of a Three's Company episode, ("When a sandwich delivery boy must help out his friend at the adoption agency, he misplaces the family's baby and must find a way to get the baby returned by Christmas") but it stars...Andy Dick???

Oh dear.

Holiday in Handcuffs Hmmm, well, this one has a certain cheese-tastic, uh, je ne sais quoi? It stars Mario Lopez and Melissa Joan Hart. Any other info needed? I think not.

Snow 2 Brain Freeze It's important to note, THIS IS A SEQUEL (I'd hate for you to get lost lest there are plot intricacies the likes of Lost). At least it stars Tom Cavanaugh...though maybe a holiday themed "Scrubs" might've done the trick.

I'm thinking we've a got a slight case of quantity over quality here. Doh!

Fa la la la la la la la la....

Legally Bland

2009-11-30T10:44:00.012-05:00

Dear Luke Wilson's agents,

Isn't Luke the 'hotter' brother? So....why the AT&T commercials?

Granted, after Old School and Legally Blonde, he's got some pretty random credits kicking around the IMDB database. Maybe I should've gone to see Jackass Number Two to show my support (was that really in theaters?).

But I didn't. I'm sorry.

Surely things can't be so bad, though, that he is forced to shill for AT&T?? I could almost forgive it if it was a clever spot, or even marginally stylish (you barely get a pass, Jennifer "Smartwater" Aniston), but this is just downright sad.

Who thought it was a good idea to dress Luke like your still-single-after-all-these-years uncle who teaches part time at community college? Seriously, he looks so bad in these spots that my boyfriend's mom glanced up at the tv when the ad was on and thought it was Beau Bridges.

Not good, people, not good.

Well, I hope you at least got Luke a free Iphone out of the deal...maybe even one that doesn't DROP CALLS every day!!!

Hmmm, that's probably too lofty of a goal. Let's just focus on lining up some meaty Oscar-worthy roles.

Thanks.

Sincerely,
Just Me

A Little Gravy

2009-11-23T18:41:00.030-05:00

Get ready, kids. 'Tis the season for every holiday themed special, movie, and surely a few 'very special' episodes of your favorite comedy or drama. Or both. I dare you to make it to January 1 without a glimpse of "Miracle on 34th Street", "Christmas Story" or "Christmas Vacation".

But wait a minute. Why does Thanksgiving always get the shaft?

Now OF COURSE, I'm not forgetting one of the greatest movies of ALL TIME, "Planes, Trains and Automobiles", but the pickings are slim after that. Soon, you might tune your flat screen to the annual Yule Log, but I am almost positive that on Thursday you won't gather by the warm glow of the Turkey-basting channel while you sing Thanksgiving carols.

But don't worry, mama's gotcha covered. I did some digging, tugged on a wishbone, and found you a little sampler platter of my favorite Turkey day classics to feed you with.

Will and Grace "A Moveable Feast" I love this episode. Will, Grace, Karen and Jack agree to go their respective families...for about 20 minutes each (complete with a timer). Admit it, a 20 minute limit on YOUR holiday gathering could do wonders to eliminate some of those Riunite-fueled fights over the remote on Thursday. Catch this way-funnier-than-your-Thanksgiving episode on Lifetime Tuesday night at 11pm.

Friends "The One Where Ross Got High" Friends is actually pretty good about actually DOING Thanksgiving eps, and this is the one where Rachel tries to make a trifle. There were many other funny ones to pick from, but Rachel accidentally combining meat and whipped cream when she thinks she is following a recipe faithfully sorta seems like something I would do, so this one's my pick. TBS at 5pm on Thursday

Cheers "Thanksgiving Orphans" This one's definitely worth catching (or at least DVR'ing - the only place I could find it is on the Hallmark channel at 2am on Friday) not just for the food fight at the end, but for a glimpse of Norm's mysterious wife, Vera...though her face is obscured in mashed potatoes. Aw, shucks.

Hope YOU are traveling to a place where everybody knows your name on Thursday.

Gobble, Gobble!

The Bitch is Back

2009-11-18T00:13:00.023-05:00

No, not me silly! But, I've missed you, too.

Heather Locklear is back on Melrose Place. Let's party like it's 1999!

Hopefully, a little La Locklear can give a shot in the arm to this slowly dying series. I have only been mildly paying attention since its premiere, and I guess the producers know I'm not the only one. Every week's recaps go so far back you could start watching today and you will be caught up in 90 seconds (which BTW doesn't speak too well of the intricacies of the plot).

The premiere Heather Locklear ep of the NEW (but let's face it, not necessarily improved) Melrose had its highs and lows.

The Highs: God bless her for still pulling off those miniskirts at almost 50. In a related story, I am totally investigating Pilates tomorrow, and never eating carbs again.

And, she's still pulling off those icy zingers like she used to and it's still just as ridiculously cheesy. And as fun.

The Lows: Oh dear, Heather. Methinks you dipped into Meg Ryan's world just a wee bit. It's not the worst alleged plastic surgery I've seen, but that face is looking a little suspiciously poufy in some of the wrong places.

Extra unfortunate that the first commercial break right outta Heather's big debut was for the movie "Old Dogs".

Meow.

Falcon's Crest

2009-10-18T22:15:00.018-05:00

I actually get very irritated when people say "I hate reality shows", because, well, some of 'em have paid my rent over the years. But, I shouldn't get angry, because what they really mean is they hate the shows starring those "famous for being famous" freaks that, unfortunately, have taken over my celeb fashion + gossip magazines.

Now, when I was a little kid I must admit I dreamed of fame, but not today's TMZ-ish "Look! She's blowing her nose in the airport!" type of notoriety. Nope, things were so innocent then. I just wanted to maybe belt out some tunes on stage and perhaps get to meet John Travolta.

Boy, dreams change.

Now, every Tom, Dick and Harry wants to be 'famous' and is dying to get on a reality show. Everyone's got one. I mean, how many more ideas are left? America's top mattress salesman is probably being pitched somewhere as we speak.

So it was no surprise when it came out that Richard Heene's faux balloon launch of son Falcon turned out to be his angle to get on tv. This was Richard's big ticket to ride the fame whore bandwagon. If this idiot's life long dream was to get a show on cable, good for him, but did he really have to drag his 6 year old down with him?

I was pretty incredulous watching Richard in interviews last week, trotting out the whole fam and soldiering on through the questions as Falcon puked into a bowl on live tv. Poor little Falcon. I know how you feel, buddy; I threw up in my mouth a little, too. And ironically, Richard probably got more fame juice out of this little stunt than he ever could've dreamed up, but just remember...

Everything that goes up, must come down. To think, a smart scientist like you forgot about the laws of gravity.

Pu Pu Platter

2009-09-20T20:09:00.021-05:00

I mean, I bitched all summer about having nothing to watch. It was seriously the dregs. A re-run of Oprah picked up by my DVR was actually described as follows: "Dr. Mehmet Oz answers viewers' questions about bike seats, hot tubs and tight pants.".

Obviously, times have been tough, so I was pretty psyched that all the new programming was finally hitting the airwaves.

But, being the über busy gal I am, I had to have kind of a quickie cram session to catch last week's new stuff. It went something like this:

As painful as it was, I forced myself to zip through the premiere of The View co-hosted by Kate Gosselin. That is, until Kate said to Victoria Beckham something like "Oh, your marriage made it to ten years, unlike mine.". Um, yeah, you guys are the same.

DVR - Delete.

Then, it was onto Oprah's interview with Whitney, who now inexplicably is starting to sound like Marge Simpson. Stuck with that until the "Bobby Brown spit in my face" portion.

Delete.

Not really a Jay Leno person (go Team Dave!) but I had to at least watch the premiere in the interest of journalistic integrity. Ok, fine, he lucked out with Kanye West and even got him to cry. And Jerry Seinfeld would be hilarious reading the phone book. But basically, this is just the same show, earlier time...no thanks.

Delete.

So when I realized Sunday night contained the Emmy's, Mad Men AND Curb Your Enthusiasm, well, it became another DVR feeding frenzy.

**Spoilers**

But then all of my Emmy faves kept losing. Bupkis for Tina Fey? Or Julia Louis Dreyfus? Or Tracey Morgan? Or Neil Patrick Harris? Or Jack McBrayer? Or Elisabeth Moss? Or Jon Hamm? Really?

Delete.

To the Nines

2009-09-09T22:11:00.015-05:00

It's 09/09/09 and all I can think about is the 90's. What does that mean? Do I need to run out and get a lottery ticket?

Well, the new Melrose premiered last night and I approached it with a mix of excitement and trepidation. Would this remix bring me back to the days when I loved clunky shoes and could drink till all hours in smoky bars on a work night and still wake up fresh and perky?

Um, not really.

Now, to be fair, I watched a bit exhausted after a day of juggling a new job AND the symptoms of a possible case of swine flu. But, from what I could tell within my delirium, this is not your mama's Melrose.

*SPOILERS*
I mean, sure, it's fun to see old pals Sydney and Michael (seriously, what facial products DO they use???), and it wasn't exactly a secret that Syd turns up dead in ep one. But turning Melrose into a season long murder mystery, which is where it seems to be headed, just doesn't do it for me. I don't CARE who killed her because I don't know any of these new people!

I'm going to give it a few episodes just to be sure I'm not writing it off too quick, but I'm sorry, I want what I want, and I want D&D Advertising back. I want ~~Frisco Jones~~ Dr. Peter Burns to perform ridiculous operations. Bring back Billy's awesomely wooden performances. (I always loved,BTW, how he was a combo account guy and creative at the ad agency. Seems like he could've made enough cash to have a bigger apartment with that big job.)

But, of course, no one had a bigger job than land lady/ad agency guru/world ruler Amanda Woodward! Melrose, get SPECIAL GUEST STAR Heather in there stat! Is that too much to ask?

I know, I know, you can't go home again. I should give the NEW Melrose a chance. I'm trying. I guess I just want the OLD 90's back.

Jerry, you're up next. Don't let me down.

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

2009-08-30T14:56:00.018-05:00

Damn you Larry David! Now I have to suck it up and add HBO back to my recession-era downgraded cable. Guess it's a good time for me to catch up on Entourage, too.

Why, you ask? In case you haven't heard, the cast of Seinfeld is reuniting on Curb Your Enthusiasm, and over five luscious episodes, we'll get to follow Larry's show within a show as he attempts to stage, well, a Seinfeld reunion.

Curb Your Enthusiasm is one of those shows that I should watch but don't, like Rescue Me or 24. But since I'm pretty sure Jack Bauer won't cross paths with Jerry as he saves the world, I think I'll keep my late game bandwagon jumping to just this.

It's not a moment too soon, either. This has been the most boring tv summer I can remember, plus, I need to step away from the internet. All of my facebook-ing and symptom-searching on Google (do you have any idea how many things can be wrong with you if you type in fatigue?) has really cut into my tv viewing in a major way.

But Fall is just around the corner, which means there are other shows to get excited about, too! Most of these will be canceled right around the time I start to love them. That's usually the way it goes. A few to consider anyway:

Melrose Place Because, well, it's Melrose Place. Rumors abound that Heather Locklear's Amanda Woodward will return, but for now I'll be content with Sydney, Jane, Michael and even annoying Jo.

Accidentally on Purpose Jenna Elfman is a thirty-something who ends up preggers from a twenty-something. Chaos ensues! Now, I've never been a huge Jenna Elfman fan, but this looks mildly funny, like a season long "Knocked Up". Of course, on the downside, can this plot really hold up after season 1? I mean, how many "would rather hit the kegger but gotta feed the baby" jokes can it milk? Not so sure. Original Melrose alum Grant Show (Jake) is also a big part of it, so there's that.

The Good Wife Julianna Margulies is the wife of a disgraced politician, and is trying to rebuild her life. The cast includes both Chris Noth AND Josh Charles.

Done and Done. DVR season pass, check!

This should tide you over until at least Festivus.

Don't You (Forget About Me)

2009-08-16T16:18:00.022-05:00

The work-a-holic-ness continues, thus, so does the blog neglect (whimper), but I certainly couldn't let this week go by without mentioning how sad I am about the passing of John Hughes.

Perhaps by now, you've seen plenty of 'best of' statuses from fellow Facebookers or articles recalling some of your favorite quotes:

Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?

Demented and sad, but social.

His name is Blane? That a major appliance, not a name!

John Hughes, in his prime, was so important that the professor of my Human Development course at Umass screened "The Breakfast Club" in class as part of an overall analysis of high school archetypes. Of course, he could've just been a lazy teacher who loved movies, but I think he was right on to include it as part of our studies. Don't we all feel a little Molly Ringwald-ish at some point in our teens?

(Yes guys, this means you, too!)

With John Hughes' death, and my TWENTIETH high school reunion looming large before me, I am feeling oldie-olderson and super 80's nostalgic. I miss my hair being kind of awesomely huge. And I kind of want to chuck my Ipod for an Iroc. Too bad I begrudgingly threw out my Z. Cavaricci's years ago. My butt looked so good in those pants.

Hollywood is feelin' the 80's love, too. Though St. Elmo's Fire was not a John Hughes creation, it was certainly from that era, and word on the street is it's coming to ABC as a dramedy. When I heard this, I felt a mixture of glee and horror, sort of how I feel about the upcoming Melrose remix. I mean, with Melrose, there's the good (Sydney and Michael are back!), and bad (Ashlee Simpson as part of the cast? Really?).

I am remaining optimistic that St. Elmo's 2.0 could be sort of great, and now I kind of want to go on a Brat Pack bender of rentals. Bet you do, too.

Well, as usual, I digress. I just miss the 80's. And now I miss you, John Hughes. Thank you for making teen angst awesome.

We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

2009-07-26T17:10:00.024-05:00

Hello kiddies!

Greetings from work-a-holic land! Do you feel neglected? Think I've forgotten about you? It isn't so. But for the duration of the summer, I am work, work, work-ing round the clock on a TLC show (so guess I'll table the Jon + Kate comments for now so as not to piss off the network that feeds me) and I've had no time for blogging.

But I've been thinking of you! A free association rundown of stuff that's popped into my head over the past month.

Michael Jackson I know my girl Oprah has been on vaca (thus the thousands of re-runs my DVR keeps picking up that are the same two themes: "How to live in the recession" and "How to look younger/thinner") but seriously, she couldn't come back from whatever castle she's staying at to do a show on MJ's passing? I know what you're thinking, do we really need any more coverage? CNN is already ALL MJ ALL THE TIME. But still...you just know she's coming back from holiday with Michael's besties rounded up. And I mean the big ones - Liz Taylor, Macaulay Culkin, that Webster kid...if I know O, it's gonna look like the set of the next Surreal Life.

I kinda can't wait. I know it's wrong.

Kate Winslet This is probably super old news, but I keep stumbling into these quotes and articles where Kate says how pissed she is that magazines airbrush her because she wants to keep it real.

Dear Magazine Editors, if I should ever become famous for some reason, please feel free to airbrush the crap out of me. Go nuts! Not interested in looking real whatsoever. xoxo Krista

What Not to Watch Man oh man, I mean, I know I've been busy, but there is NOTHING on. Nothing. I turned on 5 minutes of "Miami Social" on Bravo and it was the 5 most annoying, whiny moments in tv history. Don't go there, not even if you're a fan of that girl from the Apprentice that has surfaced on this show. And now that other Apprentice alum, Bill Rancic, and his wife, Giuliana (from E!) are doing a Newlyweds-ish show on Style?

Good luck kids. Hope the divorce lawyer is on speed dial.

Glimmers of Hope Only a few weeks till Mad Men. And, this week I'll at least be entertained by tuning in to the last 15 minutes of "The Bachelorette" just to see the most shocking whatever ever, even though I haven't watched for 95% of the season and even though NO WAY is that girl hot enough to have all those dudes fighting over her.

Speaking of desperation, should I watch "More to Love", the Bachelor for the plus sized?

Yeah, maybe it's best I'm too busy working on tv to actually watch it.

Hill of Beans

2009-06-16T14:00:00.002-05:00

Dearest Hollywood, why do you have such a problem with Boston accents? You can pull off that British thing, no prob. I would swear Gwyneth was a Brit (though her pal Madonna...not so much, but I digress).

Yep, in general, other accents don't seem to give you much trouble. Ralph Fiennes was super scary in Schindler's list, and from what I can gather, his accent was spot on.

Ed "I'm Chuck Bass" Westwick rocks an American accent with ease on Gossip Girl, even though he's a Brit.

But the Boston wanna be's? They just can't do it. I just saw this trailer and was troubled once again:

Leo, Leo, Leo. I heart you, really, I do. But like many who have come before you, you cannot pull off the Boston accent. When I watch this trailer for Shutter Island, I...um, well...I shutter. It's like Robin Williams trying to match Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting and it's just not right. Unfortunately, only Matt Damon sounds Matt Damon-ish, and really, he and only a handful of other actors can do the Boston thing. This means Hollywood's hiring pool is sorta limited to Damon, Affleck and Marky Mark.

I'm not even going to get into all those David E. Kelly shows.

Surely, I must be wrong. Have I left out other proven candidates for future Boston-based movies or tv shows that won't come off sounding like Kennedy's on crack? Discuss as you pahk yawr cah.

Now pass the chowdah.

Sleepy Time

2009-06-15T11:19:00.012-05:00

I truly wanted to love Hammertime, the latest reality show that premiered last night on A&E. And yes, this was about MC Hammer himself, but not really in the "Where are they now/Behind the music-ish" way you might hope.

Sure there are the obligatory trips down memory lane to Hammer's former fame and fortune, like when spring cleaning results in "finding" some old memorabilia (really, Hammertime producers? Can you maybe stretch those creative muscles a teensy bit more?).

But the thing about Hammertime is that nothing really happens. Like, NOTHING. You know it's a bad sign when the first 10 minutes of the premiere are basically about the search for Hammer's missing cell phone...which is really just a plot machination to set up the reason for the spring cleaning, which is REALLY just to set up the reason to find the memorabilia. Sigh. I've been doing this way, way too long.

While one would hope there would be more heartfelt chatter about his past, like, how he blew through millions of dollars, instead there seems to be no end in sight to the endless opportunities to milk his catch phrases...i.e. "What time is it?". Crinnnnnnnnnge.

The other objective of this series seems to be to show the world that MC is super dad, which is great, except for the fact that it's just all rainbows and unicorns and happy all the time! Even the Brady Bunch had Marcia getting socked in the nose by that football once in awhile, ya know? On Hammertime, sure, there's a kid with some slipping grades, but it's all fixed and tied up with a bow by the end of the episode. Yawn.

MC Hammer aka Stanley Burrell seems like a nice enough fellow, so I wish him well. And I think those pants were kind of nifty.

But I'm sorry, as for the show...I just can't touch this.

She Works Hard for the Money

2009-06-08T12:28:00.044-05:00

Dear Brooke Shields,

Please fire your agent. I'm sorry Lipstick Jungle tanked, cuz I actually sort of liked it. Or maybe you're pissed you have to play Miley's MOM in Hannah Montana, but are things so bad that you had to make these Latisse commercials?

Now, I'm not against you doing commercials per se. I think your Coppertone commercials serve an important skin care purpose, and I've almost gotten past those weird Volkswagen commercials you did, but Latisse??

For those of you who haven't seen these ads, please indulge me and click here.

So, Latisse is some kind of freaky goop to rub on your eyelids that will (allegedly) grow fuller and darker lashes. Is this a void that needed to be filled in the marketplace? And before I get the letters from the sick people with no eyelashes, I'm not talking about people who've lost their eyelashes from disease. Nope. This is Brooke Shields, who lost them from years of tough-love beauty crap, like ripping off false eyelashes, and this ad is OBVIOUSLY targeted at the Botox generation. Plus, I mean, how is this not a Saturday Night Live skit?

After the voice-over chick ran down all the ways you might screw up your eyes from using this crap, I was waiting for her to caution that you might grow a leathery tail.

And I love how in this ad, Brooke is like at a party now because she has longer eyelashes, which is about as relevant as those herpes commercials where the couples are dancing on the beach and kayaking.

I've never quite understood how that works.

Also, why is she dancing with some dude that's not her husband? Is that her new and improved eyelash hubby?

As usual, I digress. Meanwhile, in other weird celeb endorsement news...

What's up with the fake kids in the Marcia Cross commercial for Mott's? It's like they all had their hair dyed the same L'Oreal Red #6. Although I am quite sure Marcia's lovely in real life, let's be honest - she always plays the crazies. Is this really who Mott's wants pretending to be all earth mother-y in their spots?

Maybe she should've been shilling for nuts.

Pain Aid

2009-06-03T14:50:00.027-05:00

I refuse to write about the will-they-or-won't-they shenanigans of Spencer and Heidi on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!

It's not that I'm against some breezy summer tv, but I just can't let myself be lured into this unwatchable dreck AGAIN. And so, I don't care if Speidi come(s) back (Does one refer to plural grammar rules when referring to Speidi? I'm not sure. I digress...). With Speidi out of the picture for me, I've gone in search of some real summer-lovin'.

Tomorrow marks the debut of Royal Pains on USA. I am going to check it out. Maybe you should, too.

It stars Mark Feuerstein. He's one of THOSE actors, the kind that you know you've seen somewhere, but you're not sure where. To me, he'll always be the guy I used to see almost every morning at the Coffee Bean in West Hollywood. He seemed like a nice enough fellow, and once, when he was sitting at the next table from me as I was trying to be all cool Hollywood writer-ish with my laptop, I overheard his entire conversation and he was being really, really nice and helpful to some wanna-be actor. From that I've always decided he is nice and deserves our support. Plus, he was always smiley and unpretentious and from what I can remember, he used to shuffle in wearing pajama pants.

One the other hand, in researching this little ditty, I discovered he named his child Frisco Jones, so I do wonder about his sanity. Frisco JONES...as in the rocker/spy General Hospital Jack Wagner character. Is this really true? I need to know. Some might say it's ALL I NEED.

Wink, wink.

Anyhoo...the show looks harmless and fun and certainly worth a look. Plus, it's got Campbell Scott, who I haven't seen since the premature cancellation of Six Degrees. I'm glad he's on it, but is it just me or does he always get cast as a douche? Is douche an acceptable literary term? So many questions, so little time.

You can check out a clip below. Royal Pains premieres Thursday night on USA.

57 Channels (And Nothin’ On)

2009-06-02T17:27:00.023-05:00

It's still a desert out there.

In an effort to be hip, I resorted to watching some of the MTV Movie Awards, but when it took me a minute or two to place High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens, I began to feel old. Cut me some slack though...this is an awards ceremony that not only nominated Bride Wars for an acting award (really, MTV?) but where MILEY CYRUS beat out Bruce Springsteen for best song from a movie.

It was at that point that I changed the channel and worried that the pop culture apocalypse was near.

Watching I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here the following night did nothing to ease these fears, but at least it made me feel a little better about myself. Seeing all of these "stars" with makeup-free faces greasier than if they were working the fry-o-later at Mickey D's gave me more joy than I anticipated.

Spencer and Heidi on the other hand...until last night, I'd prided myself on successfully avoiding The Hills and any affiliated nonsense.

Seeing those morons speak for the first time made me mad. Mad at them for being morons, mad at myself for being complicit with NBC's attempts to cater to the lowest common denominator, mad that I am indeed being sucked into Speidi's web of lies and tuning in to see if they quit the show or not.

And mad that I am now looking forward to The Real Housewives of New Jersey tonight as a quasi-legitimate source of entertainment. What else am I gonna watch...the series finale of According to Jim?

Yep, still on the air (who knew?) and the info button reveals (*finale spoiler alert*) that Jim chokes on a shrimp puff.

Now, if only someone would feed one to Speidi?

Town Ease

2009-05-28T15:24:00.044-05:00

What a lame, lame, lame week in television.

I am trapped in the re-run and reality show desert. It's Thursday night and I want to time travel back to the 90's and watch Friends, Seinfeld and Clooney-era ER.

But alas, I cannot (well, technically I can if I watch TBS...but you know what I mean).

So, since I can't REALLY go back, I thought I'd look to the future and scoped out two upcoming ABC shows, Cougar Town, and Happy Town. ABC was also once home to the short-lived Molly Ringwald show Townies. Apparently, show naming is HARD.

ABC: also once home to Spin City.

Ok, I'll stop.

Anyway, here's a little sneak peak at Cougar Town: (And if you can't see the clip below, you can view it by clicking here:)

Here's the lowdown:

What's I Like It's from Exec Producer Bill Lawrence (Scrubs). If anyone is good at awkward comedy, it's him.

That is, of course, if you like that sort of thing.

And, Courtney Cox is good when she leaves the annoying side of Monica at home, but that brings me to...

What I Don't Like I see a little annoying Monica seeping in here. Also, less pratfalls please. Unless you're Lucille Ball, that kind of humor is almost impossible to pull off and kind of annoying.

Verdict Has potential, though it seems like the kind of show I start to like, only to have it get sent to Friday Night Death Row. Remember me, Lipstick Jungle and Six Degrees? Sigh.

Now, onto Happy Town, which you can watch by clicking here if you cannot see the clip below:

What I Like As I watch this clip, it's like my favorite game of NAME THAT RANDOM ACTOR!!! October Road heartthrob Geoff Stults is now some kind of sheriff-y guy; the desk dude from ER looks like he is also a long arm of the law; that old lady that was a creepy stalker of Gabby and Carlos on Desperate Housewives pops up, too, along with the dude that was the lead OTHER on LOST, sticking to what he knows best....creepy.

What I Don't Like What is this about, exactly?

Verdict Jury's out if this will be the next Twin Peaks (like they are advertising) or if it will be Pushing Daisies.

Stay tuned!

Jon + Kate plus Hate

2009-05-26T13:10:00.017-05:00

I am hungover.

No, I did not drink last night, but I am still recovering from the major BUMMER STORM that was Jon + Kate Plus 8. Now, I know what you're thinking - didn't she just say yesterday that she wasn't going to cave and watch it?

Boredom's a bitch.

Well, that and the gravitational pull from all the Facebook status updates imploring me to tune in.

Now, I have never, ever seen this show. I do not know what the appeal of it is/was supposed to be, though I suspect it's mainly in seeing the super cute kids x 8 say adorable things as they get into hijinks. But man oh man, that is not what last night's episode was about.

The bulk of the ep contained alternating interviews with Jon and Kate seemingly alluding to, but, it should be noted, never actually saying how much they hate each other. This was depressing in proportions so epic, I could've watched a movie marathon of Schindler's List, Leaving Las Vegas and Terms of Endearment (maybe a doc on puppy mills, too) and still felt better. Seriously! This was like an infomercial for misery!

Again, I must openly confess I have never seen this show, so maybe this unfortunate random sampling is not the norm, but I found a disturbing contrast between Jon, who seemed like a hostage, and Kate, who was just a wee bit she-doth-protest-too-loudly-ish about hating all the tabloid attention. Jon, it's ok if you were cavorting in bars at 2am...that bee-otch would drive me to drink, too.

Well, I gave it a shot but I like my reality TV the same way I like my comfort food: cheesy and easy.

Real Housewives of New Jersey, who knew you would suddenly become my beacons of hope?

Judgment Day

2009-05-25T09:19:00.029-05:00

It started innocently enough.

The finales are over. It's not quite summer. The premiere of Mad Men Season 3, is far, far away, and I still don't have a job.

What's a girl to do to pass the time?

I'll tell ya what she shouldn't do. She should NOT watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey, but of course, that is exactly what I did.

I've resisted all the other incarnations of this franchise, because I've realllllly grown weary of these attention-whore populated reality shows, but still, when a friend told me it was HIGH-larious, I caved.

Is it entertaining? Of course, in a very SNL version of the Sopranos kind of way. Are the women on the program appalling? Totally, especially that creepy plastic-faced one, Danielle. Do I think I'll watch it again?

Um, probably.

Fine, judge me all you want! But, I'm not working and quite frankly as guilty pleasures go, this one's like Cheez Whiz wrapped in bacon. On top of a Dorito. With some Cheetos on the side.

Hmm, maybe I'm just hungry.

Anyway, this is pure camp. The most vapid, McMansion-filled, bad for Jerzzzzzzzey hour of television, ever. Cat fights? Check. Big hair? Check. Bad Accents? Like, oh my gawd, check.

In other words, set your DVR.

Judge me if you want to, but in my defense, at least I did not fall prey to the marketing machine that is Jon and Kate plus ~~their publicists~~ 8. However, if YOU want to, the season premiere is tonight on TLC.

And the next new episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey is Tuesday, on Bravo.

The Last Laugh

2009-05-21T14:49:00.036-05:00

Look at you, CW Network, becoming all hip and trendy!

If you haven't been paying attention, this is a big week in television, The Upfronts. This is where (hopefully) eager advertisers get a peak at the Fall season and are enticed to part with what's left of their ad budgets to put behind the BIG shows coming up.

The CW, once a poor man's Fox Network, is not so suddenly like, the hippest cat on the dial.

Gossip Girl is of course back on the sked for Season 3 (duh) as is One Tree Hill. America's Top Model? Also back. And the new 90210? Still going.

As for the new stuff...no doubt cashing in on the wild success of the Twilight series, The Vampire Diaries will take a bite out of Thursdays.

In an interesting move, CW has eliminated ALL SITCOMS.

So on that note, I present to you teaser clips for two of their new shows. With the sitcom ban in place, I assume these are not meant to be funny.

First, The Beautiful Life is produced by Ashton Kutcher (WTF?) and stars Mischa Barton in a big acting stretch as a bitchy model. Check it out:

But of course, I know you only care a little about the models. You want to know the fate of the new Melrose Place, which incidentally, will air right after 90210 come Fall. I have no clue why Sydney (Laura Leighton) has become so whispery and breathy in this clip, and I'm not super psyched about the network's press release calling her "still beautiful at 40" (thanks a lot CW...I'll be off to get some Botox now...) but I did enjoy the surprising star who pops up at the end, who, like Laura Leighton, appears to have been cryogenically frozen since Melrose 1.0 went off the air in '99.

Some more fun facts: the pilot was directed by Davis Guggenheim; you may know him for his super cool musem-y name or his famous film, "An Inconvenient Truth"; I know him as Elisabeth Shue's hubby. That's Elisabeth SHUE...as in ANDREW SHUE'S sister. Can a Billy Campbell appearance be far behind?

And speaking of random nepotism-ish stories, the blonde chick that pops up at 1:51 in this clip (who is also the brown haired star on Harper's Island) is the daughter of David Cassidy. As in, "I Think I Love You".

I think I love CW.

Who Knew?

2009-05-19T09:50:00.025-05:00

Oh Grey's! How you keep me guessing.

*Spoilers*

Yes, I finally got to check out the finale (albeit by watching it On Demand where fast forward was disabled and I was FORCED to watch the ads. What desperate tactics, ABC!).

It's not exactly a big secret that T.R. Knight and Katherine Heigl were likely headed out the door, but I have to admit, the George twist threw me for a loop. Not the Army twist - the second they rolled in the kid who wanted his leg chopped off, I just knew Georgie was headed to Iraq. But somehow, someway, I never saw it coming that John Doe was George. I had forgotten that George's nickname was 007, and so when Meredith exclaimed "Oh God!" upon realizing John Doe=George, I was all "What's going on?", in a really non-aware idiot way, kind of how I was years ago at the end of the Sixth Sense when the whole theater was gasping "Bruce Willis is dead!" and I'm kinda focused on how yummy peanut M&M's are with popcorn and not really catching the twist.

Anyhoo, kind of a cool twist, though I didn't so much...care.

As for Izzy...as I predicted, we ended with a "Will she or won't she make it?" scene, complete with monitor shot. Told ya so!

I will probably still watch next season, but Shonda Rhimes better pull a rabbit out of her hat because this show seems to have jumped the shark around the time Izzy cut Denny's LVAD wire. Shonda's got her work cut out for her, because I think we've used up all the Seattle Grace employees-as-patients we can handle. Perhaps not so shockingly, I have some requests.

Please give Meredith and Derek something to do, other than getting fake-married.

And please, no more fake Denny.

And please, please, no more fake Burke...I'm talking to you, weirdo, emotionally unavailable Christina Yang love interest fake-killer guy. Ew.

Finale Fever

2009-05-18T13:11:00.041-05:00

I'm not sure why I always find myself traveling every finale week, but here I am again, away from home, and away from my trusty TV. My DVR is currently holding my finale episode of Grey's Anatomy hostage while I try and avoid any spoilers until my return. Just one more day until I finally see (or don't see) what becomes of Katherine Heigl.

Speaking of *spoilers*, here's a few comin' at ya, so beware in case you, too, have a DVR holding your beloved season-ender hostage.

BTW, I should mention that I didn't even bother writing about the Brothers and Sisters finale before I left because it was just so damn boring. No one in peril, no freaky fires, no more William Walker relatives...nuthin'. Just a hint that maybe that girl who used to be Justin's sister (but is now, ew, his fiance) may secretly be nutzo. Yawn. No, I don't care if Rob Lowe and Calista Flockhart's characters are or are not together, or if Calista/Kitty/whoever hooks up with that totally vanilla guy from the park.

Now, I did manage to squeeze in Desperate Housewives while I was away and...well, that was some decent finale-ing. Not mind blowing stuff, mind you, but I give it a solid B, which brings us to, of course...

The Good Lynette's surprise pregnancy? Priceless. And, I love the idea of Bree with Karl (Richard Burgi is so great as a slimeball, and I'm still catching up with his character and the goings-on at Harper's Island. More on that soon). I hope to see more of their dance next season. Very Sam and Diane-ish.

The Bad RE: Carlos's niece coming to live with Gaby and Carlos. I dunno, I mean... the random relative (or fake relative, who knows) that comes to live in order to shake things up? Isn't that sort of a been-there-done-that plot device? Haven't we been doing this since the arrival of cousin Oliver on the Brady Bunch?? Snoozy.

The Cliffhanger I am so glad we have (hopefully) seen the last of Dave. Man that guy was creepy. And nice job, Desperate Housewives, with the "Who did Mike marry?" tease. Dear lord, I hope it's not Katherine. There has not been a couple with this little chemistry since Mr. and Mrs. Roper.

Now, the only cliffhanger HERE is whether or not I force myself to sit through The Bachelorette premiere tonight...

On a Break

2009-05-15T07:13:00.026-05:00

This is a terrible relationship. You promise to give me answers, but you lie. You lead me on. I’ve given you what – almost 5 years? And what do you give me in return? Just a whole lotta smoke and mirrors. And I mean a WHOLE LOTTA smoke.

Damn you, LOST producers!!!! Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice…well, I am just an idiot.

*Spoilers*

TWO HOURS of “Jacob” wandering around in people’s past lives with no real payoff? THREE if you count the extra hour of re-hash that I did not watch, FOUR if you count the re-hash last week or the week before. It’s all blurring together and still taking up precious DVR space. And BTW, when did the going rate for finales become THREE hours anyway? I’m talking to you, The Apprentice and The Biggest Loser finales.

Can’t you answer anything? Like, what about that smoke monster? How are all these people inter-connected? How come we once saw Jin say he had never married in a flashback a few seasons ago?

And here’s a few more questions to ponder …

Is it just me, or do Juliet, Penny, and the young version of the mom of the scientist guy all kind of look the same?

Did it strike anyone else as odd that while Sayid lay bleeding to death from his gunshot wound, Jack stopped down for a heart to heart with Sawyer?

Listen up, makers of LOST, I think it was genius when you threw the flash forward at us in last season’s cliffhanger (or was it the season before? Who can remember?). And at first, despite the absurdity of what appeared to be some sort of wagon wheel determining the time shift, it was sort of cool the way you jumped from the past to the future.

But now it’s just exhausting. All that and you keep throwing MORE characters in the mix? Really? Don’t get me wrong, I love challenging television. I swear I have the brain capacity to handle complexities far more advanced than The Bachelor.

But seriously, can you throw me a bone?

You've got nine months to produce the next LOST baby. I want answers. I want the truth.

I can handle it.

Odd Jobs

2009-05-13T16:47:00.001-05:00

I love this time of year. Besides gorging on all the finales, this is the month we get word on all the new shows soon to be clogging up your DVR.

A&E just announced some...interesting ones.

Tony Danza, he of Taxi and Who's the Boss? fame, will be doing a reality show where he - get this - spends a year as a teacher. They are billing it as the real life Welcome Back, Kotter. Now, I don't remember where Mr. Kotter was being welcomed back from, but I'm guessing it wasn't from ~~the worst talk show ever other than Magic Johnson's~~ life as a sitcom star.

Steven Seagal: Lawman premieres this summer. The onetime ponytail wielding action star is apparently a real life deputy in Louisiana. Roll cameras...let the hijinks ensue!

And in requisite 'comeback' reality show of the week...MC Hammer will hit the airwaves in June for Hammertime. This one follows Stanley Burrell aka MC Hammer as he lives a more 'economically balanced life' (press release words - not mine!) in Oakland, CA. "Economically balanced"? No word on whether Suze Orman has a role.

On another note, do I have to start watching Jon and Kate plus 8? I am assaulted by their mugs on the covers of all my favorite trashy mags, and I sure would hate to miss out on something pop culturally relevant...but really? Do I care about this? What's with all the Octo-fascination?

Eight is Enough was sooooooo before its time.

XOXO

2009-05-12T08:44:00.033-05:00

I am caught in a bit of a quandary. You see, I was late to the party on Gossip Girl. But when all my friends' HUSBANDS were watching, I became intrigued.

And so the boyfriend and I set off on a total Netflix binge.

But, even with all of our marathon Gossip Girl-ing, we didn't finish season 1 before season 2 began. And so we have been trapped in a vortex, waiting for season 2 to end, trying to impose a Gossip Girl Season 2 news blackout until we can power through all THOSE episodes to be caught up for season 3.

Wow, TV is exhausting.

Last night, though, I had to break the no-watching-season-2-pact to see the 80's flashback/possible spinoff pilot. In the interest of not totally ruining season 2 for myself, nor wanting to 'officially' break the pact, I sped thru the episode just to watch the flashback parts. A bit of a pain in the keester, but so be it.

Here's the skinny, should this spin off get picked up:

What was good Andrew McCarthy as Lilly's hoity-toity dad? Could there be anyone more iconic to play the rich 80's snob? Genius casting, though I did half expect her to call him Blaine.

What was bad Why can no one ever get 80's hair right? Lilly's (Brittany Snow) hair looked basically like all the girls on the red carpet...in 2009. It's NOT that hard, people! It's really all about the bangs. I could loan them my high school pics for research! Let's just say if you were going to name my bangs....well, junior year it was "the roll". Senior year, it was "the claw". And yes, I occasionally rocked a banana clip. If you are female, you know you did, too.

Beyond the hair issues, did we really need those gratuitous shots of the Rubik's cube? What's next - is Michael Jackson gonna moonwalk into one of the scenes?

Just plain odd I can't take credit for noticing this, because I read it elsewhere, but now that it was pointed out to me...Teenage Lilly=blue eyes. Grown up Lilly=not so blue eyes. What, no budget for contacts, CW?

And that girl that played the sister was just a total dead ringer for Jennifer Grey's sister in Dirty Dancing, so it was kind of its own unintentional 80's shout out for me.

Verdict Anything 80's sucks me in, but just for fun, let's stunt cast some more 80's peeps besides Andrew McCarthy. Paging YOU, Sixteen-Candles-Jake aka Michael Schoeffling.

It's Not Brain Surgery

2009-05-11T11:19:00.025-05:00

Ok, actually, it is.

*spoilers*

Maybe it was the exhaustion of clearing out all the clutter on my DVR from weeks of backlog, or maybe I'm just a hopeless sap (probably), but despite my frequent dissatisfaction with Grey's in recent seasons, I loved the Izzie "twist" wedding on the heels of her recent brain tumor. No, I wasn't exactly SHOCKED, but I kind of loved all the old school drama, and cried like a little girl who just got cut from her softball team. (Ok, FINE, that did happen to me. Softball is scary!)

But here's the thing...is there really anything left to wrap up in a finale? Aren't we like, done now for the summer?

Well, regardless, two hours are comin' at ya on Thursday, and here's what they are going to fill it with, based on the official press materials:

Izzie contemplates a risky surgery to save her life I predict a cliffhanging "Will she or won't she make it?" end, complete with requisite shot of flat-lining heart monitor. Duh.

Mark is ready to take his relationship with Lexie to the next level I don't think I've cared about a couple this little since Brandon dated that annoying reporter girl on 90210.

George delivers stunning news to Bailey, sending shockwaves throughout the hospital This poor dude has had nothing to do for months. Sounds like he's moving on, though who knows? Maybe he's going go on a shooting spree or something. That'd sure liven things up for his storyline. If he isn't leaving, he needs something to elevate him beyond a poor man's Dr. Carter from ER.

As for Meredith and Derek, they have really become the Annoyingtons, haven't they? I have no idea if they are getting married on Thursday, but they need something new to do, too. Give Derek a long lost child, or make the chief Meredith's REAL dad. Something.

One thing's for sure - medical dramas are STILL all the rage after all these years. NBC just announced not one but TWO new medical shows for fall.

Is it wrong that I'm starting to miss ER a little bit?

Baby Remember My Name

2009-04-27T23:06:00.021-05:00

I'm still reeling from my close encounter with Harvey Keitel from last week. Now, I realize maybe this is like, no big deal to you. But frankly, I felt all Courtney Cox in that Dancing in the Dark video, plucked from the crowds and thrust into the spotlight.

Ok, maybe not a spotlight. One of those pocket sized flashlight type thingys (I digress but, even for a Bruce worshipper like me, that has to go down in history as the worst video ever, no?).

How does one follow such a thing up? For me, it was sweet talkin' my way onto the red carpet to go heel to heel with the one and only SJP. That's MS. Carrie Bradshaw herself, out and about to ~~prove her marriage is intact~~ support her hubby's film, and I found myself on the red carpet once again. And while I did indeed ace out a veteran NYC reporter for my 10 seconds with Sarah Jessica, it was all so anti-climatic. What, no invite to shoe shop? And what about her hubby? I thought for sure we'd jump onto the media riser and start singing "Twist and Shout" together, but...nada. And then to find out the next day that she held back baby news from me?

Well, that just kinda hurts.

And so it's back to regularly scheduled blogging.

Which means it's time to bitch about Lost (3 weeks of eps backed up on the DVR and slogging thru all the "Is it now? Is it before? Who's the latest Darma dude?" crap - do I really care anymore?), time to decide if I'll follow Brothers and Sisters to season 4 (did they really dump Balthazar Getty for screwing around with Sienna Miller?), and I'm even holding out hope that Grey's will pull off a nice, juicy brain tumor-wedding cliffhanger fiesta that will hearken back to the days when this show was heart patient-Denny good, not hallucination-Denny bad.

It's good to be back. Finale season lies ahead, so buckle up.

It's time for a different sort of magic carpet ride.

You Must Remember This, A Kiss Is Just A Kiss

2009-04-24T20:42:00.049-05:00

If there's one thing about my day job that's consistent, it's that it's never the same day twice. At various times in my career, I've found myself running out at 3am to film childbirth, coaxing crazy brides to cry on camera, and once, paying (bribing?) a turtle watcher's society to allow my crew to film a fragrance bottle on a beach in Florida.

So it was just another day...ya know, interviewing celebs on the red carpet at the premiere for Woody Allen's new movie (feigned yawn here). I don't want to say I'm unimportant, but my placement was so far down the press line that the only ones further away from all the action was a team of pre-teen reporters covering it for kids. In rapid fire succession, the teeny boppers ace me out for the likes of Robert DeNiro, Debra Messing and Uma Thurman.

And then came Harvey Keitel.

I half-heartedly call out to him to stop for me, but why bother? That 12-year-old with the braces clearly has this one sewn up, right? But then he comes charging towards me, and I could've never predicted what would happen next.

The iconic tough guy movie star grabs me by my face, plants a giant kiss on my mouth, and walks away.

Say what?!

As I'm still gathering myself together, I'm realizing my camera man (a student, I might add, at his first movie premiere EVER) has gotten it all on tape. I'm freaked! And sure enough, every frame is captured, right there for the world, ok, like 10 people in my office, to see. And though I love to write about pop culture, I just figured this was a cute little incident to laugh about over margaritas with my friends.

But then I ended up in the NY Observer. The pop culturer is now the pop culturee!!! And I quote...

Just as Mr. Spurlock was speaking, Harvey Keitel and wife Daphna Kastner were walking down the carpet without stopping for anyone. Until, that is, a female reporter from a curious travel website called Citybuzz blocked his path, holding her mike out, and begging with her big eyes for him to stop and perhaps say something interesting. Mr. Keitel, seeing this, began to speed up, walking directly towards the eager reporter. Then he thrust his hands forward, grabbed her face, and planted an open-mouth kiss, before walking away and not saying a word.

"Did that really just happen?" the reporter asked her camera guy.

"Yeah, and I got it on tape!" the cameraman replied.

"I would have rather gotten an interview," grumbled the reporter, before packing up her equipment and leaving.

Thank you, NY Observer reporter Irina Aleksander, for calling my eyes big, though I'm not sure they were so much begging as bloodshot. And I'm pretty sure I didn't actually grumble. The rest, however, was true, except the path blocking part. But don't take my word for it. Here it is, in bright and shiny video!

Thank you, Mr. Keitel, for giving new meaning to the words, 'viral video'.

Spelling it Out

2009-04-20T21:13:00.044-05:00

With our beloved Sydney triumphantly returning to the 'new' Melrose, I can almost overlook ~~the hiring of Ashlee Simpson as a sure sign of the apocalypse~~ how much the 'new' 90210 has been botched.

Maybe it makes me old (though not as old as that chick who played Andrea Zuckerman...that chick was like 50 during some of those graduation scenes!). Maybe it makes me a whiner. But wouldn't 90210 two-point-ohhhh have been better if it just plunked down more of those beloved (dare I say iconic) Aaron Spelling characters of yesteryear into circa now? They could just jump on that Lost/Desperate Housewives (and soon Gossip Girl) time travel train...flash backs and flash forwards are all the rage!!

Besides, let's be honest, unless you're Hilary Swank, being an alumni of an Aaron Spelling show? Not always good news, so let's give some of these kids a helping hand. They need work, and not just playing a guidance counselor (Jennie Garth, what are you DOING? Where is that fire survivin' pill poppin' I-choose-me gal that I used to love? Get thee a real plot line for Kelly, quick!).

Spelling Spinoff Alumni Outreach Program Contenders:

"Valerie Malone" Tiffani (sometimes Amber) Theissen: For awhile there, every sinking show was calling on this little vixen to be their secret weapon (this means you, What About Brian, Good Morning Miami and Just Shoot Me). Now? Last year she made a movie called Cyborg Soldier. CYBORG. SOLDIER. Maybe give her a gig on the new Melrose. She can be the new pool boy.

Or something.

"David Silver": Brian Austin Green Oh dear. I thought you were busting outta the pack. You had the hottie Angelina-wanna-be lined up as a blushing bride, and a regular gig on that Terminator series that almost made me forget that rapper thing you tried in the 90's. But girl doesn't want you to put a ring on it, after all, and I think you just croaked on that show.

Maybe time for a plan B, though I'll give it to you for staying in the press, even if this headline is a new low in journalism history.

"Steve Sanders": Ian Ziering He danced back into our hearts for a little while, but the long running gig as the voice of "Biker Mice From Mars" is surely not how this dude wants to be remembered? Give him a penthouse at Melrose. C'mon!

Now about that Candy Spelling. Surely there's a Mommie Dearest remake just waiting to hit the big screen...

Donna Martin graduates

2009-04-15T20:42:00.009-05:00

My DVR keeps taping the new 90210 but I keep ignoring it. However, with Tori swinging by for a visit, and frankly, not much else to choose from other than a backlog of Oprah's, I figured what the hey.

Talk about a bad judgment call.

Where oh where to begin?

First, why was Tori channeling dear old dad's show Charlie's Angels? Those awful Farrah rolls in her hair were sooooooo '77. And not in a good way. Also, as it turns out, she saved herself for David for nothing...the big return was a setup to reveal Donna and David are separated. Oops, sorry, forgot to do a spoiler alert.

Right, like anyone besides me is watching this.

Second, Dixon and Annie are supposed to be brother and sister, but frankly, they're a little too close for comfort. They go on a secret road trip together and stay in the same hotel, they're giggling, dare I say flirting?...this is some serious Flowers in the Attic s**t if you ask me.

But the worst part, by far, is the Dr. Pepper product placement overload. I can handle an "organic" (those are air quotes) placement here and there - a subtle can shot...even a 'hey, can you pass me the Dr. Pepper?" I admit, I've produced a few shows that, artistic integrity be damned, have contained a few organic-in-air-quotes product mentions. But OH MY GOD, this was bad.

Like, I literally thought at one point that character Dixon might bust out with "I'm-a-Pepper-you're-a-pepper-wouldn't-you-like-to-be-a-Pepper-too?" as his next line.

I guess times are tough. You gotta do whatcha gotta do.

As a matter of fact, I'm blogger with no income in a recession. Hey Dr. Pepper, come advertise on my site!!!!

Scare Tactics

2009-04-13T20:08:00.016-05:00

I have to admit, I've never really sought out horror movies. I mean, I saw The Vanishing 15 years ago and I'm still worried someone is going to kidnap me at a gas station and bury me alive after covering my mouth with ether.

That Jeff Bridges gave me the willies!

But the fun ones - the campy, Scream-ish, camp-o-rama types? Well those are just fun, and I like it.

And so I'm so happy Harper's Island has all the ingredients to be the perfect guilty pleasure. It's not too late for you to jump on board! Just click here to go to CBS's website and watch episode #1. This one-season wonder is going to kill someone off every week until the killer is revealed; that's all you really need to know. Stop reading NOW though if you haven't seen it. Spoiler alert, ahead!

What's good The producers are following the campy checklist here, everyone is pretty and often scantily clad. There's lots of red herrings so it seems everyone's a suspect, which is fun.

What's bad How could they kill off Harry Hamlin in ep one? The king of kitsch should have been kept around longer. His bronzer alone was kind of awesome, in a ridiculous George Hamilton is passing the torch kind of way. Super bummer.

Also, what's with the hot girls with the dorky guys? Totally unbelievable. They re-cast a lot of this show since the original pilot, seems like they should've had money left in their budget to find some cooler dudes.

I have zero inside info, but my money's on the groom to be the killer.

Next episode airs Thursday at 10p/ET.

Put a Little Love in your Heart

2009-04-01T21:55:00.021-05:00

I have to be totally honest here. Before I watched Cupid, I had already made up my mind I was gonna hate it. Like, I had the headline in my head all day - "Slings and Arrows". I know writers aren't supposed to admit that we think this way, but indeed, sometimes we just do.

And then I watched it.

Guess what? I'm season passing it on the DVR.

Now, lest you get TOO excited at this first blush of romance, I am not putting it in, like, the AWESOME category. But it was a solid cute, especially for the first episode. And a little cute is something we all could use, right?

A quick cheat sheet if you missed the first episode:

-The show is 60 minutes, not 30. For some reason, I had decided it was a 30 minute sitcom in my head. Maybe you did, too. It's not.

-Every week, "Cupid" a.k.a Trevor matches a new couple. Hijinks ensue! I have to say, the show could've been elevated a bit if they had an A and B story. Not sure 60 minutes was totally necessary for the one couple story arc, but maybe I am too influenced by the over-caffeinated, ADD storytelling currently rampant on the networks.

-The constant each week is Trevor and his therapist, Claire. They've definitely got the Sam and Diane thing going, with a splash of Moonlighting banter thrown in.

I admit, it's kind of a CHICK show, but c'mon, give it a shot. It was a pretty good first date.

You don't have to take my word for it. Check out the first episode yourself, by clicking here. ABC has this handy little player for ya.

On a Wing and a Prayer

2009-03-29T19:13:00.032-05:00

So, I'm finally caught up on all my shows. The DVR is at a modest 68% (gotta keep those emergency Sex and the City's and bad Lifetime movies I'll never actually watch stockpiled in case...well, I don't know, I just have a lotta crap on my DVR that I can't seem to delete. This is not unlike my closet, but I digress.).

I was all ready with my sweats and my ice cream, ready to watch the outcome of Edie's electrocution/car accident on Desperate Housewives tonight, and...a repeat? The knocking off of Nicolette Sheridan's character, I saw coming. The delayed second part, I did not.

Sigh.

With nothing but the aforementioned DVR fluff to pass the time, I started looking ahead to some of those remaining mid-season replacement shows coming up. After all, ER, for better or worse, is done this week. Mad Men isn't back anytime soon. And though I'm marginally interested in seeing if the producers on Grey's hate Katherine Heigl enough to make that brain tumor fatal, finale time will be here before you know it.

So even though soon there will be a 'good tv' deficit, at least there's a duo of mid-season replacements to consider ~~to have on in the background while you're Facebooking~~ for your viewing pleasure:

HARPER'S ISLAND
Premise: A bunch of people get together on an island and each week someone is killed off.
Good news: An island mystery to pass the time after Lost has its finale.
Bad news: Premise doesn't exactly bode well for a season 2. Also, lots of tinkering's been done since the pilot, including replacing Bill Pullman with, um, Harry Hamlin.
Premiere Date: April 9th @ 10pm

CUPID
Premise: Bobby Cannavale may or may not be Cupid, and has to (or thinks he has to) get 100 couples together to return to Mt. Olympus, all the while under the care of psychiatrist Sarah Paulson.
Good News: Who doesn't love a little romance? Plus, with new guest stars every week, employment for all the actors that aren't getting hired to lay on gurneys on ER anymore.
Bad News: The buzz isn't great and the original it was based on wasn't exactly awesome. Also, to me, Bobby Cannavale will always be the funky spunk guy from Sex and the City no matter how many shows he is on. Ew.
Premiere Date: March 31st @ 10pm

And I seriously still have a New Year's Eve Faith Ford movie on the DVR. A Kiss at Midnight may not be a Lifetime Movie, but it is Hallmark. It remains to be seen if they've sent their very best.

State of the Union

2009-03-25T21:12:00.015-05:00

Hey, if the prez can do a little media blitz, why can't I?

I am not gonna lie, I'm woefully behind on my DVR. Like maxing out at 88% and starting to sweat it. The job that actually pays me (unlike this one) is sucking away all my time, and actually, my life, too.

It's bad when I have no time for TV. Recession jobs sure are a bitch.

I'm feverishly trying to delete and catch up. It's not helping the space issue that I have never been able to figure out how to get my DVR to tape Oprah just once a day, so her damn AHA moments are an extra jam up on the DVR superhighway.

Anyhoo, here's where I'm at:

Lost Still love it. Still genius. Still have no clue what's going on.

Desperate Housewives No one talks about this show anymore. Remember the good old days when everyone was talking smack about Teri Hatcher trying to hog the spotlight? It was a little fun, even if I never believed it. The show's still trucking along with some good eps, though I'm pretty sure Marcia Cross would win the Botox faceoff if she took on Nicole Kidman.

Put. The. Needle. Down.

ER Woefully behind on watching this. I snuck in the Clooney episode but there's like 3-ish episodes more looming that I have to cram in before the finale. Why do I feel like no one is having ER finale parties? Should I throw one? Bring your own CBC Chem 20 - stat!

Grey's Anatomy Just sat down to watch what I believe is last week's episode. Is that an Elvira stripe in Patrick Dempsey's hair? Is that meant to communicate McDreamy's angst?

How I Met Your Mother More Barney. Less Ted. Please?

And speaking of Ted, I still haven't checked out that new show, Better Off Ted. Oh the DVR pressure!!

Party Like It's 1999

2009-03-15T19:42:00.022-05:00

I know, I know, where the hell have I been? Can't a girl go on vacation? Zeesh! Well, I'm back with some tv goodies for ya. It's all gonna be ok now. Don't worry.

So I was very skeptical about the Clooney comeback to ER, but dang, those producers got it right, don'tcha think? They just slid Dr. Ross and Carol Hathaway right in there like they'd never left. Benton and Carter, too. No trendy time warp or flashbacks needed here (which, BTW I have an EFFIN headache from watching Lost and that stupid time machine wheel of fortune gizmo, but more about that another time).

Anyhoo, I think ER did it right and it was almost as though it was 1999 again. Actually, it feels a little 1999-ish now, doesn't it? Look around...Dr. Ross is in the house. Who Wants to be a Millionaire is all the rage (Ok, Slumdog style. Whatever). And Britney Spears is on tour.

But I must confess I miss that 1999 rush-home-to-see-my-show feeling. DVR kinda nukes that. I mean, I love my DVR. I love that I can rest easy knowing that all my 30 Rocks are getting stock-piled, and my Oprah's are safe and sound.

And I love knowing that even if my DVR gets all fried up, which HAS been known to happen, I feel sure I can just find that coveted show on-line.

I love all this new technology, and I'm even starting to learn what Twittering is (though seriously, folks, I don't need to know every time you have a cup of coffee. You know who you are.)

And I know you live blogger types will say there are some shows we do still watch in real time, but it's just not the same. Not to me.

Sigh. At least some things stay the same. Ten years later, my VCR is still blinking.

Yes, I also still have my VCR. Baby steps.

Liar, Liar

2009-03-03T19:58:00.024-05:00

*Spoilers galore!*

Last week, I was kind of pumped up after watching the Brothers and Sisters promo for their 2 hour movie. That show has followed a path of ok, awesome, who cares, and ok over the few seasons it's been on. But when their promo was touting a death? Well, in the world of dramas...deaths and weddings? We love 'em!!

But then I was feeling a little sad, cuz it looked like Rob Lowe's character, Senator McAllister, was a goner. I've loved that Rob Lowe ever since he was Sodapop Curtis! Why, oh why, would they kill him off? But when good 'ol Robbie survived the heart attack and all, I thought, OOOH, plot twist! Tommy is gonna get offed by Holly! That's gotta be it, I hope?! Those ads promised me a death, dammit!

Frankly, as the clock ticked on, I started to panic about who the grim reaper would send off to TV heaven...especially when Kitty put a loose blanket into that new baby's crib. Eek! Suffocation alert!

But here's the thing...no one bit the dust! That baby was as snuggly as a Snuggie one scene later, Tommy is just an embezzler, and the Senator is just ruthless, not dead.

What gives, ABC?

The show was actually one of the best I've seen in awhile. So why fake us out with the death promise? We would've been totally tuned in anyway if you'd just stuck with Cliffhanger 101 and kept it to the "Will he or won't he make it?" teases.

Cue the shot of the flat line. Duh.

And speaking of fake outs and ABC, by now you've all heard about the little switcheroo on the Bachelor Monday night. Maybe it's all legit: Jason's just a loser who dumped his fiance ON TELEVISION for the runner up. Not scripted by the producers at all.

Pull this leg and it plays Jingle Bells.

Finally, rounding out this week's trifecta of fakery, this poor dude Dane Patterson from The Biggest Loser...he lost like 100 pounds in 8 weeks, and now all anyone can talk about is the fact that even though he ran 23 of the 26.2 miles of a marathon, an overzealous producer in need of their all important finish line shot, like, NOW, drove him to the finish line.

Drove him. Like, get in the car and take a load off. Maybe we'll get a hoagie on the way.

Sigh.

Can we believe anything on TV anymore? Next thing you know, you'll tell me Trump's hair isn't naturally like that....

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Stay Gold

2009-02-24T20:02:00.018-05:00

Video may have killed the radio star, but Facebook might be killing the TV stars. Where the hell have I been? Well...uh, facebooking, recessioning, all that good stuff.

Anyhoo, I'm back now and I have a confession to make: I watched the Oscars the other night WITHOUT the usual glee and fervor that consumes me. What is going ON? Is it because every movie is such a huge freaking bummmmmmer?!!!!

I mean, at least The Wrestler was great, but again not a huge pick me up. And yet, I didn't even get the joy of having my man Mickey make his big speech. Damn you ~~Spicoli~~ Sean Penn!

And The freaking Reader? Now there's a good time. Watched it with my parents and not sure who fell asleep first, me or my (over 70) dad.

Ain't no way I'm touching Revolutionary Road. I'm sure the performances are great, and I know it's not fair to trash talk a movie I have never seen, but I think I'll skip the whole "Death of Dreams" genre.

As for you, you perky Slumdog-bandwagonners, I squeezed this one in just under the wire before Oscar night, and like that damn Little Miss Sunshine and Juno before it, I am not drinking the Kool Aid. Oh calm down, I liked it, it was heartwarming, blah blah blah. But best movie ever?

Not so much.

Well, with the Oscars behind me, it's time to get serious about TV again. I've got a DVR back up of Lost, a Bachelor finale next week and that overly dramatic-do-they-or-don't-they-kill-off-Rob-Lowe? Brothers and Sisters two hour movie "event" to watch on Sunday.

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in...

(Un) True Confessions

2009-01-26T19:55:00.019-05:00

Sometimes I wish I didn't work in television. I wish I lived somewhere in the suburbs of middle America, completely oblivious to the machinations of shameless producers who think their audience is a bunch of idiots.

But I've seen the wizard behind the curtain, hell, I've BEEN the wizard behind the curtain, and I just hate it when I can see those puppet strings so clearly.

And on Confessions of a Teen Idol...there are some MAJOR strings attached.

The premise of this week's episode centered around the has-beens walking a known paparazzi trap and trying to get their picture taken. This would've been a delightful little train wreck to watch, hell I might've even shed a tear for poor, washed up, cruise ship-lovin' Adrian Zmed after he got ignored, if I believed for one second that those were real paparazzi ignoring him and the outcomes of each has-been's walk of shame not completely scripted.

You see kids, let momma 'splain something to you. Generally speaking, unless you are unknowingly starring in your very own Truman Show, the people around you on a daily basis aren't walking around mic'd in case you happen to walk by. But AMAZINGLY, you could hear all the chitter chatter of the paps and their ~~scripted~~ comments about how washed up each d-lister was loud and clear. I even tried to ignore all this fakery like a 10 year old who knows Santa isn't real but still tries to believe. And with this earnest denial in mind, I thought, well maybe we only can hear them because the has-beens are mic'd, and on them are SUPER microphones picking up the dialogue of the paparazzi.

Ok, I'll buy that. I'll even suspend my disbelief further that all of the VH1 cameras are, oh, I don't know, behind a mailbox? A tree? Why do I suddenly picture a camera guy dressed in camouflage with a bush disguising the camera?

But then the paps' conversation continued...long after the has-beens had headed off camera, and likely, over to Craft Service for a snack. By the way, am I also expected to believe that these same ~~actors~~ paparazzi just happen to ask Jeremy about his old sex tape, the very same sex tape he just mentioned a few scenes ago?

Right. Pull this leg and it plays Jingle Bells.

Frankly, this is all making me turn on my man Baio. He is an Executive Producer of this sorry ass show? Is he the one advising Jeremy Jackson to also tout his MYSPACE page? Why don't we just pick up his latest cassingle while we're at it.

Sigh.

Back to the Future

2009-01-21T20:31:00.033-05:00

*SPOILERS*

I'm so glad Lost is back. And even though I can't remember why most of the stuff on the island is going on, it's still oh-so-good.

First it was flashbacks, then flashforwards, now it's dealer's choice. Looks like this season is about movin' all over the dial in time. And I love it!!!!

Take that Marty McFly, the Space Time Continuum is totally screwed now.

Best part of the night: Hurley explaining to his mom what 'really' happened on the island. Yes, people. it IS that absurd!

Weirdest part of the night: That new (?) Neal Frogurt character that was on briefly- I don't know if he's significant, but either way, he will forever be the "Got Milk" guy to me. And while I'm at it, even though Nestor Carbonell (Richard Alpert) has been a significant part of Lost for a couple of seasons or so now, I am still surprised every time he comes on screen that he doesn't speak with an accent like he did on Suddenly Susan, even though that show's been off the air since 2000.

Wait, that's it! Maybe those island dwellers are traveling through time to odd acting gigs of years' past! Next stop, Evangeline Lilly's (Kate) totally embarrassing phone sex commercials.

Bring your flux capacitor!

Ew. That was NOT a euphemism.

Death Warmed Over

2009-01-19T17:22:00.023-05:00

Bruce Springsteen once sang "57 Channels (And Nothin' On)". Well, it's all blizzardy and I just wanna sit around and watch TV and there ain't nothin' on.

And I know I should be gettin' my democracy on and watching something all Inauguration-ish, but...well, the cool stuff was on HBO and dang it I'm poor. Those big fancy cable channels aren't in the budget these days, so I had to settle for bad Youtube video of all the cool music performances that I missed yesterday.

And so today, I spent time clearing out the DVR and had the audacity of hope that I'd find something inspiring to watch.

Instead, a whole lotta dead people turned up:

The Good Is anyone still watching Desperate Housewives? Because even though the whole flashback/flash forward thing they've added isn't exactly ground breaking, it's made the show pretty fun to watch again. Sunday night's episode included flashbacks of both narrator Mary Alice and Bree's dearly departed husband Rex (Did she kill him? Did he have a heart attack? Who can remember?...) and seeing them pop up again was a good way to spice things up.

The Bad I don't know what to do. I was all on Team ER until this year, and now I have a backlog of episodes clogging up my DVR and I just don't know if I can do it. They lost me when they didn't make better use of Mark Green's comeback. Or flashback.

Whatever.

But, speaking of hospital shows and dead people, how much longer is Denny going to roam around Seattle Grace on Grey's Anatomy? Enough already! Well,things over at Grey's aren't completely critical; Eric Stolz as a serial killer IS kind of awesome...but, let's be honest, he doesn't look to be surviving past next week.

The Ugly Don't ask me why I am still hanging in on Confessions of a Teen Idol. Man oh man, has Scott Baio looked at himself on a monitor? Shave, dude. Or at least shower! He is looking chewed up and spit out, weird that he'd not take better control of his image if he is exec producing the show.

Ok, technically, nothing dead on THIS show, unless you count the careers of the people on it.

Hey, speaking of things that are dead, I sure wish they'd bring back Lipstick Jungle for another season. My DVR keeps picking up episodes of this overlooked show and it was actually pretty good.

I mean, if they can revive failed, 10 year old show CUPID, then surely Lipstick Jungle still has a prayer?

More about that soon...

Winter's the New Fall

2009-01-13T21:37:00.039-05:00

When I was a kid I used to get really excited when the Fall Preview issue of the TV Guide came out. Yes, I was a tv geek even then. (I think it also had a lot to do with my older brothers influencing me, but luckily their love of Star Wars/Star Trek didn't stick, too, or I'd really be in trouble.)

Anyhoo, September always meant 2 things for me: back to school shopping and new TV shows! Now granted, we had 3 channels and it involved that giant antenna thing on the roof to get those channels juuuuuust right, but still, September's always been the place.

These days, though, it seems like January is like the chicest premiere place to be if you're on tv. So, with the new year upon us, my DVR's filling up and I don't know what to do...so I need to talk it out:

Confessions of a Teen Idol
Pros: Chris Atkins is sweet + I'm loyal to my man Baio.
Cons: Following a bunch of has beens who never were.
Verdict: It's like my morning bagel - it's bad for me and I don't even like it that much, but I can't give it up.

Rock of Love Bus
Pros: Hilarious last season, wanna support my friend who works on it, and I've been supporting Poison since 1987.
Cons: I just don't know if I can watch another season of borderline (?) trannies playing mud football again.
Verdict: On the fence

American Idol
Pros: Love the sob stories, fun when it gets down to the final round, potential for Paula to implode on live television.
Cons: 1 hour into the premiere and that new judge reminds me of one of those sales girls who talks down to you in an expensive store even though she's only making 5 bucks an hour.
Verdict: Leaning towards the readers digest/DVR version (just speed thru the auditions and stopping for the sappy ones) until they narrow it down.

The Bachelor
Pros: Haven't come up with any and haven't watched the second ep. Chris Harrison's pretty cool though.
Cons: Bachelor Jason's eyes are too close together and it bugs me.
Verdict: Maybe one more ep then I'll return for the finale.

Lost
Pros: An actual intelligently SCRIPTED show. Imagine that! It's not reality tv!
Cons: Does anyone remember what happened last season?
Verdict: Duh. Wouldn't miss the Jan. 21st premiere. Besides, even if they lie to me about what happened last season, I won't remember.

Trust Me
Pros: A drama about an ad agency could be fun to watch.
Cons: Don't we already have Mad Men?
Verdict: Giving the Jan 26th premiere a shot.

Oh man, I just realized 90210 came back last week, too. I can't keep up this pace. Is it summer re-runs yet?

Globe Trotting

2009-01-11T20:18:00.046-05:00

I have a lot to say about the Globes, so I'm going the stream of consciousness route. I know it's long, but just compare it to Benjamin Button and it'll seem short! So without further adieu...

Biggest schadenfreude moment Though I don't really enjoy Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt (enough with the Button movie! It was 80 hours long and really does not live up to the hype unless you count makeup), I surprised myself at how much I enjoyed watching Ryan Seacrest squirm when they snubbed him on the red carpet.

Way to kick the night off with randomness Sting, with his shocking suddenly brown hair, and the camera cutting to Colin Farrell having the same reaction of surprise that you were probably having in your living room.

Award that made me the happiest Bruuuuuuuuce. The man is turning 60 this year. You Bruce haters be damned: besides the fact that he looks THAT good at that age, and still runs around on stage like he's 16, the man is a musical genius. Deal with it.

Award(s) that made me the unhappiest I can't believe my man Jon Hamm from Mad Men AND the awesome January Jones (also Mad Men) both lost. Plus it just reminded me how long I have to wait for new episodes. Sigh.

Cringe Moment The brilliant actor, Don Cheadle, being announced as the star of the upcoming film, HOTEL FOR DOGS. Don, please fire your agent immediately.

You know you Googled her after she won Sally Hawkins, who had to walk a mile to the stage because no one thought she had a snowball's chance in hell of beating the likes of Meryl Streep and Emma Thompson.

But why? Can't they just put a damn podium up so people don't have to juggle their awards?

My life's work is so inferior My thoughts as I watch the Stephen Spielberg lifetime achievement award montage.

I hate to digress but I can't believe the only food I have ingested today is the following, with no embellishment: 1 bagel with cream cheese, nachos, Ben and Jerry's S'mores ice cream. But at least I went to the gym! Ok, now back to regularly scheduled Globe blogging. Confessing is cathartic. Ahhhh.

Who knew Colin Farrell was that smart? Not me. That dude rambled forever with no notes and said some pretty great stuff. Check your DVR if you don't believe me.

Blah, blah, blah Is it just me, or does Angelina Jolie seem like she would have one of those limp fish handshakes?

Worth staying up for even if the gym is seeming less and less likely tomorrow morning I am such a sucker for a comeback. Mickey you crazy, crazy dude. Only you could show up wearing THAT, stick your hand down your pants during your speech, have the director flip you off...and yet I was teary eyed and cheering alone in my living room like a total weirdo. (Of course, by living room I mean also my bedroom and kitchen, too. Ah, New York studio livin'.)

Ok, FINE, I'll go see Slumdog Millionaire. I hate being left out!

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

2009-01-07T21:37:00.011-05:00

When I told my boyfriend I was thinking about watching Rock of Love Season 3, he threatened to leave me.

But then I clued him in about the genius that was Rock of Love 2, and soon, he had it cued up on the DVR.

What the hell am I doing telling my boyfriend to watch a show filled with slutty half naked girls????

Anyway, when it kicked off, I had some high hopes. The girls are so ridiculous and over the top, it was pretty good for a laugh. I mean, look, even foodies can't always go to the 4-star places all the time, right? Everyone needs those fried chicken and nachos kinda places once in a while to keep it interesting.

But somewhere along the way I got an itty bitty stomach ache. It was just all strippers and porn stars and freaks, oh my! for my taste. Now, to be fair, I don't know that I gave it a fair shake.

While I was watching, I was also doing battle with a laundry machine that stole my money, realizing the ho at Origins bamboozled me into buying the wrong moisturizer and overcharged my damn credit card earlier tonight, and facebooking a sudden onslaught of former junior high classmates that have appeared in my in-box.

So all the screaming hammered girls on my tv in the background were kinda buggin' me. And then I turned on the People's Choice Awards just in time for Carrie Underwood to come on and it just made me want to encourage her to lip sync. You're awfully pitchy, dawg.

Grrr. Chamomile tea, anyone?

Anyhoo, I'm calling it a day. I'm not giving up on you just yet, Bret Michaels.

But my DVR is getting pretty jam packed, so you gotta work harder to be MY Rock of Love.

Rose Colored Glasses

2009-01-06T21:11:00.013-05:00

*SPOILERS*

God Bless the Bachelor franchise. No matter how bad it is, I can't help but get sucked in.

At least for the first episode. Because, really, it's all about the parade of contestants in the beginning and then the showdown at the finale. And that awesome, awesome trailer for the whole season at the end of the first episode. But more about that in a minute.

Now, no matter HOW many close up shots of Bachelor Jason's muscles in the gym in the opening intro, I still don't really see what these girls are so gaga about. But anyhoo, all these freaks realllllly wanna get their pic in US Mag or attention in general, so here's my thoughts on at least a few of them. Not too many could hold my interest, I must admit. It was just a sea of 20-something white girls (really, ABC? NO attempt to be more diverse in your casting?) all jockeying for screen time and pretending to give a crap about Jason's kid.

Oh Stephanie. We all know the producers hafta keep you around, you being a widow AND a mom, but girl, lay off the botox! It's freaky to look at. And while I'm at it, why DO botox-ers always pull their hair back to show off those skating rink-smooth heads? Cut some freaking bangs!

Poor, poor little pixie Renee. Jason may have cut you cuz he thought that vision board was craz-azy, but if it's good enough for Oprah, it's good enough for me. His loss!

And now, about that trailer. There are a few things you can always count on The Bachelor for besides the roses: everyone says "journey" a lot, people always end up in hot tubs, and for shizzle, the season-teasing trailer at the end of the first episode will make it seem like the most dramatic season EVER. This one's no exception. You have to sit through a minute or so of that drunk-ish girl and Jason saying "amazing" a bunch of times before it comes up, but it's worth it!!!

Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do?

2009-01-05T21:07:00.025-05:00

*SPOILERS-ISH*

So I watched Confessions of a Teen Idol, and...no big surprise here. You get whatcha pay for. In these trying economic times, I understand that maybe VH1 had to shop the bargain basement bin for their ex-teen idols, but this show is really kinda screwed by the fact that they have to keep reminding the viewer who these people are.

I mean, this IS a problem for a show built on the premise that these dudes were super famous once, with a hope of making it big again, no?

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm sure David Chokachi ("David Chokes" for those of us former Beantown babes in the know) was mobbed with female fans in his Baywatch glory days. And though I never pasted Adrian Zmed on my wall, I must admit, I definitely know all the words to every single song from Grease 2.

And at least the Fame guy is sort of compelling in that you can taste how bad he wants to be famous (again).

But in general, I am already tired of how many times I had to be reminded who Eric Nies was (and yet, I still don't know if his last name rhymes with those two knobby things on my legs, the way I describe how the daughters of my brothers are related to me or if it just rhymes with 'guys').

Anyhoo, I'm not a quitter, so I am going to watch next week in the hopes that maybe they'll spice it up with a little more Baio (that lame pseudo hosting cameo is not filling the void). And I'm hoping VH1 (and well, all reality show producers) will give the contrived "storm off the set" fakery a rest.

No, David Chokes, I don't believe for one second you were really gonna leave.

But with Lost, American Idol, and a brand new Bachelor coming up on the docket, that's a lotta tv in my DVR competing for my love though.

You boys better bring it.

Idol Worship

2008-12-29T21:09:00.017-05:00

And you thought American Idol was the only game in town! Come January, LOTS of idols are coming your way in addition to all your resolutions.

On Jan 4th, just in time to kick off your New Year, VH1 will debut Confessions of a Teen Idol. The concept? Scott Baio is the host of a weekly series that throws a bunch of washed up heartthrobs in a house together as they try and resurrect their careers. Scott Baio tags along and plays guardian angel. Or something.

Cue the drama:

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

Now, I have good news and bad news for you.

First the good: I'm kinda psyched to see Jamie Walters try and make a comeback. Maybe it's the Boston gal in me, but darn it all this one-time Ray Pruit needs another claim to fame besides pushing Donna down the stairs.

Also, I'm glad VH1 took my advice to try and resurrect Christopher Atkins. Good move. Brooke's out of a job, too, with Lipstick Jungle gone, so maybe they'll nab a Lifetime movie together. Cool.

Now the bad: Of all the washed up stars in the universe, did the casting peeps really have to double dip into Baywatch?

WHAT is going on with Billy Hufsey's/the Fame guy's head and how come his hair doesn't fit? And while I'm at it, is it just me or is Scott Baio's hair looking super scary? And to keep the hair trifecta going, Eric Nies, the former Real World/the Grind guy needs a 12 step program away from his flat iron.

Seriously.

Anyway, everybody loves a comeback, though to be fair I'm not sure it's a comeback if I've never heard of you.

I'm talkin' to you, meth-lovin-cast-for-your-drama-Baywatch guy.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

2008-12-02T23:34:00.045-05:00

I am totally getting into the holiday spirit! True, I am deeply, deeply troubled by AFLAC's decision to mar my childhood memories of Rudolph by using the jolly characters to sell insurance, but I guess so be it.

Nevertheless, as we passed the Day After Thanksgiving milestone, I became anxious to hear my holiday fave, "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

For some reason, though this came out in 1984, long before the days the internet made pretty much anything a permanent fixture, I remember every detail of that video as if I was still in the 7th grade.

I remember every little swoop to the beat that Boy George's shoulders made as he sang. I remember seeing that chick holding up the Squirt can and wondering what funny little private joke was behind it. And I remember the wafts of smoke circling around Jody Watley.

But when I watch it now, it also makes me want to give out some special awards to the folks in the video. It's never too late for prizes...

The Cherish Your Youth Award Poor, poor George Michael. Seems like only yesterday the pretty you was waking me up before you went-went.

The "Bet You Never Could've Imagined What a Tabloid Spectacle Your Life Would Become" Award I guess this could also go to Georgie, but let's cut him a break and give it to another George....Boy George, that is.

The "I Really Should Start Doing Yoga" Award Inspired by Sting, who might be the real Benjamin Button

The "I'll Have What He's Having" Award Inspired by Bono, who managed to look cool in a mullet then, and is even cooler NOW.

But, hey, it's the holidays. I should have a more giving spirit, so....

God bless us, everyone. Even the no-longer-famous ones.

Gossip Girl

2008-11-17T17:30:00.023-05:00

I don't like to gossip here on this site, but I admit, I do my fair share of guilty pleasure TMZ-ing. And, once a week, I get to curl up with favorite gossip rag, US Weekly.

I rely on US for hard hitting journalism like their "Stars with Bangs!" expose or ridiculous diets that could kill me. US Weekly Magazine is there to help keep the Jen vs. Angelina feud alive and to keep me up to date on Lindsay's latest leggings.

I don't even mind that they put those Hills chicks on the cover sometimes, even if I still refuse to learn who they are.

But I think it's lame-ity lame how US is now putting politicians all over their magazine. US is my escape. I've enjoyed their careful cocktail of fluffy stories about A-listers and Z-listers, and everyone in between.

So please, no more politicians unless they are like, dating Madonna.

I know, I know, technically I talked a little politics myself election week so I don't mean to be a hypocrite, but c'mon! Enough already.

Don't get me wrong - I care about how President Obama is going to clean up the country, but I would prefer to read about it elsewhere. And I definitely don't care to read the EXCLUSIVE (!) from his barber that he doesn't care about going gray.

As for me, no gray area here, US Magazine. If your subject has anything to do with voting, stick to American Idol.

No Longer In Fashion

2008-11-13T10:20:00.016-05:00

Even with all its gloss, NBC has pulled the plug on Lipstick Jungle.

Some thoughts as NBC says auf wiedersehen to the Jungle so they can focus on reviving dead guys on ER from like 5 seasons ago instead of investing in decent new shows:

I'm going to miss living vicariously through these chicks with the fake sounding names (Victory Ford? Really?) who conquered NYC with their power jobs and still seemed to have time for 3 martini lunches like every day. Wouldn't it be cool to have their jobs?

I'm going to miss obsessing over Andrew McCarthy's face. I still can't figure out what's different about it from his St. Elmo's days and was looking forward to finally figuring it out.

But mostly, I'm going to miss seeing Brooke Shields. I've always been rooting for Brooke, even if she did chuck her feud with Tommy Cruise to attend his alien wedding.

I know Brooke will be ok though. This girl has staying power.

But, please, oh please, do NOT let her and her Calvins become Suddenly...Susan.

15 minutes

2008-11-10T17:14:00.012-05:00

Everybody wants their 15 minutes of fame.

Or so it seems.

As I scour every nook and cranny of the employment universe, I have no choice but to include Craig'sList on my daily go-to list of "job" sites. Yes, Craig'sList, that of the get rich quick schemes and a damn good place to sell that dresser you've been hangin' onto since you were like 16.

I've discovered something that maybe you already know: there is a show about everything. EVERYTHING. And if there isn't a show about it, someone, somewhere is trying to make one. A random sample of ads calling out to me this week alone:

LOVE YOUR MUTT BUT WISH YOU KNEW ITS BREED? NAT’L TV SHOW! - (NYC)

DO YOU HATE YOUR LIPS? - (NYC)

EVER HAD YOUR BIKE STOLEN? (Downtown)

Well, all this does is reinforce the fact that I am not going to find a job on Craigs List, nor am I going to get to be on TV. I mean, I don't have a dog, but if I did, I'm not sure I would want to put it on the Animal Planet version of "Roots". I actually like my lips, so, that's out, too. No one ever swiped my bike, but I'm pretty sure if I went on tv to talk about it, the extent of it would go something like this: "That sucked". The End. Let's be honest, no one's watching that.

I'm really not trying to hate on CraigsList. Just cause I don't wanna go on any of these (really boring sounding) shows doesn't mean there aren't REAL jobs to be found.

Here's a personal fave :
Wildlife Experts Needed For New Cable Series (National)

Northern California television production company is actively seeking wildlife experts with backgrounds in Evolutionary Biology, Ecology, and Zoology to be featured in a new cable network show. We are searching for individuals with personality, passion, and above all, a proven track record in researching and investigating genetic mutations.

Now, there's just one problem. I might be going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing that any wildlife experts, particularly ones with a proven track record in genetic mutations, aren't trolling CraigsList for jobs.

I, however, AM. So, if you see any postings offering up millions for chick bloggers who like to talk about tv...

Good Vibrations

2008-11-06T18:41:00.019-05:00

I'm declaring the 90's officially back.

First, the 90210 reprise (no matter how crappy it is). Then, rumblings of the return of Melrose Place (please, PLEASE bring back Andrew Shue).

Today, NBC was trying to get some traction by hinting that maybe, just maybe, George might make a quick return to ER's final season after all.

Yeah, right.

This got me thinking, if only, if only, they could just resurrect Seinfeld, it would be the perfect storm of 90's bliss.

I know we've made, um, quantum leaps since the end of Seinfeld (TEN years ago!), but I swear not a day goes by when I don't have some kind of incident that makes me feel like I'm in an actual episode.

Like today.

It was one of those non-spoken high noon type stand-offs in the laundry room. You know the kind I mean. I'm waiting for a machine. The weird lady folding her giant granny panties knows I'm waiting for a machine, yet no one says anything.

And so I wait. She knows I'm waiting. I know she knows I know she knows I'm waiting.

And still I wait.

Sigh.

I miss when Seinfeld would relish these moments in all their high waisted-jean glory. Since I know it ain't comin' back, I guess I'll have to just be content with other 90's-esque satisfaction, like a Democrat in the White House.

And in the meantime, I guess I'll just return to My So-Called Life.

Our Way, Yes Our Way

2008-11-05T14:41:00.025-05:00

Sometimes, you have to just let things go. And so I shouldn't want to mess with the memory of last night's historically significant election and muck it up with my own issues.

But I can't help it.

I know I shouldn't admit how troubled I am with Michelle Obama's decision to wear a frock that evoked some kind of checkerboard/tie dye/superhero mashup on one of the most important nights of her life.

And I really shouldn't admit that every time NBC cut to Ann Curry in that graphically weird virtual reality colosseum, I couldn't focus on the results because I kept expecting Princess Leah to appear in a laser beam of light pleading "Help me Obi-wan Kenobi, you're my only hope."

But mostly, I really shouldn't admit that although I thought Barack's speech was pretty stellar, it woulda been SO MUCH COOLER if he just recited the Laverne and Shirley theme song. Is it just ME, or wouldn't that have kinda worked, too?

Give us any chance, we'll take it.
Give us any rule, we'll break it.
We're gonna make our dreams come true.
Doin' it our way.

Nothin's gonna turn us back now,
Straight ahead and on the track now.
We're gonna make our dreams come true,
Doin' it our way.

There is nothing we won't try,
Never heard the word impossible.
This time there's no stopping us.
We're gonna do it.

On your mark, get set, and go now,
Got a dream and we just know now,
We're gonna make our dream come true.
And we'll do it our way, yes our way.
Make all our dreams come true,
And do it our way, yes our way,
Make all our dreams come true
For me and you.

Yes, he could've! Ok, fine. I won't quit my day job.

Damnit, I don't have a day job. Hurry President Obama, fix the economy!!!!

Stella's Got Her Groove Back

2008-11-04T15:26:00.032-05:00

I am feeling like Carrie Bradshaw more than usual.

And by usual, I mean in that way that my non-NYC acquaintances say "You are just like Carrie Bradshaw!" because they think I run around in Manolo's (I wish), drink cosmos (more of an Amstel Light gal) and party with celebrities (the closest I've come to that is when the REAL Aidan a.k.a. John Corbett screamed at me on a city street because he was convinced I was following him like a crazy stalker, even though I was actually just trying to cross the street during the NYC Marathon...along with about 3 thousand other people. Note to John Corbett: though your post-Sex and the City gig as the VO guy on Applebee's commercials IS impressive, it's not quite enough to lure me in.)

Anyhoo, the other night one of my readers approached me at a party, and he was worried about my blog. He was concerned that now that I've been mentioning a boyfriend on the blog, it might change the tone and piss people off. Listen, I know Carrie chucked her dating column (don't I write a TV one, BTW?) when she ran off to Paris to be with that Russian dude on Sex and the City, but let's not forget once she ended up with Mr. Big, she wrote a bunch of successful books.

Seems to me like it was a win-win for everybody.

Back in the real world, I may not be Carrie, but I am here to alleviate your fears. Single or not, nothing's going to change. In fact, I am going to make you a few promises, which I pledge to keep (yeah, yeah, me and today's candidates....did you vote yet????).

I promise to continue to call out shows I think are jumping the shark (This means YOU How I Met Your Mother. Enough with the 'One to Grow On'-type wrap-uppy VO's at the end of every ep, more Barney. Thanks.)

I promise to temper flaunting my occasional achievements (I ran 6 miles on the treadmill today!) with totally embarrassing pop-culture references (had Britney's 'Gimme More' on auto repeat through about 90% of that run).

I promise to continue to randomly dredge up 80's crap for no reason and then torture you with the theme song that you won't be able to get out of your head for the rest of the day, like this one from Family Ties.

In short, I promise to be...Just Me. After all, what would we do, baby, without us?

Money Talks

2008-10-29T21:41:00.023-05:00

I don't generally talk about commercials on this here blog, but every once in awhile, I've gotta weigh in on ads when they get to me.

There is an ad running right now for HSBC bank that I find so completely vexing, I can't for the life of me figure out how it's gonna make me wanna go put my 2 dollars (and let's be honest, I mean literally two dollars) in their bank.

First, the ad if you haven't seen it (I tried like hell to find the :30 version, but this longer one was all I could dig up and frankly it just makes me all the more confused):

Now, I may not be a marketing strategist or anything, but as far as I'm concerned, any ads trying to lure me to do some banking really should feature something, anything, to distract me from the rampant fear and anxiety associated with today's banking insitutions - so I'm thinking puppies, sunshine, unicorns, whatever it takes to make me feel warm and fuzzy about the bank. That's what needs to be in bank commercials.

Not so much at HSBC.

So, just what IS the point of this commercial?

Is it that tree killers and tree huggers can live in harmony as long as they have lots of money invested at HSBC?

Is it that there are close by HSBC ATM's should you ever need to be bailed out of jail following a violent protest?

Is it maybe...don't invest your money in forests?

I'm thinking it's not any of that.

Who knows what that sad lady is singing about in the commercial. And maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm a little grouchy about finances these days. It certainly didn't help that I started my day with Suze Orman on The Today Show this morning screaming at me through the television to STOP USING CREDIT CARDS!!!!!

I know, Suze, I know.